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(Part 2 of 2, Part 1 can be found here)

The bad:

I don't remember what I said to broach the subject of birth control. I just remember some of the first words out of my mother's mouth: “You're not pregnant, are you?” “What? No, of course not.” “Not with Dan. Whatever you do, never with Dan. He's not the one for you.”

From there, what was supposed to be a quick chat about birth control turned into a half hour long bash on Dan and my relationship with Dan:

She said that Dan “isn't a man, he's a little boy."
She said we have an unhealthy “enabling” relationship.
She said that Dan is narcissistic, and I'm his codependent.

She distinctly implied that I'm only with Dan for the gifts he gives me.

She basically said I should dump him since he doesn't like washing the dishes.
She compared my relationship with Dan to her failed first marriage to a drunk... who was possibly abusive.

Never mind that Dan is always there when I need him, that he's always willing to help, that he gladly takes care of me when I'm sick. Never mind that Dan is always there to calm me down, prop me up, and catch me when I fall. Never mind that he treats me better than every one else in my life. Never mind that he loves me more than anyone else has before.

Dan has never risen a hand to me in anger. He has no serious vices – he doesn't drink, he's not a crazy partier, he doesn't have any drug or gambling addictions. He is impossibly sweet. He takes care of me. He loves me. He helps me in more ways than I can say. I thought this was how a good relationship was supposed to be?

But no, none of that matters.

What matters is that “he doesn't fit in with the family.” He doesn't do dishes. He didn't cook for me when we lived together. We constantly “enable” each other. He's a mama's boy. His hypoglycemia can make him temperamental. What matters is that we cuddled in front of the fireplace in Washington when I was freezing cold.

I barely fit in with my family;* why would I want him to? He's quiet and reserved, and you've been against him from the get-go. We've reached a compromise – I do dishes and he rubs my constantly aching shoulders. It's win-win. He did cook fairly often, actually, but his days were a lot longer than mine even after I got a job, so I ended up doing most of the cooking while he bought a good 90% of our food because I was dirt poor. Yes, he adores his mother. So what? That translates to how he treats me. How is that a problem? The hypoglycemia is annoying, but he's getting better and we know how to work through it whenever it pops up. I would rather deal with his hypoglycemia than your issues. And, seriously? Cuddling PDA is blacklisted even when I'm freezing cold and he's trying to warm me up?

F.U., Mom.

Oh, and learn what “enable” means. Your stupid is showing.

*Excepting Kelly and Geena – seriously, I luff you guys so hard. I miss you!

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Note: This post may be considered TMI for some, but it's my blog and I need to talk about this. If you're uncomfortable with talk about sex, just skip it

I which I ramble... )

Has anyone else had this problem? What did you do about it? What method of BC do you use now? Other than "I'm LGBT so I don't have to worry about it! Haha stupid straight people =P" (I'm looking at YOU, Kelly and Geena!)


Nov. 20th, 2010 07:07 pm
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Dan bought me Rudolph and Clarice! I saw them at Safeway on Thursday and absolutely loved them. I carried them around the store like a little kid while we were finding things we needed. Dan offered to buy them for me because he's super sweet like that. THEY ARE SO CUTE AND I LUFF THEM.

Mom tried to tell me Rudolph's girlfriend is Rhonda.

She was thinking Rodney and Rhonda reindeer:

...totally different from Rudolph and Clarice!

I've been wanting Clarice and Rudolph since Dan's mom got them from Build-A-Bear a few years ago, but they were $50 each. So when I stumbled across them in Safeway for two for less than the price of one Build-A-Bear version, I went into MUST HAVE mode. If you can't tell, Rudolph's nose even lights up!

Can it be Christmas yet? Please??

PS: If while reading this you thought "Clarice? Who in tarnation is Clarice??" then I feel bad for you because you missed out on an integral part of childhood. Go watch Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Do it. Do it NOW. It's a 1964 stop-motion classic, and I am dying to watch it again. Christmas can't come soon enough!
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This weekend was awesome and awful at the same time. On Friday, we were "warned" via a note in the kitchen that my grandparents might show up on Saturday for Grandma's birthday. So Geena and I cleaned the house - swept the floors, mopped, cleaned the bathroom, straightened up the common areas, everything. We literally gave up our trip to Half Moon Bay together to clean the house. And guess what? My grandparents never showed up that weekend. I am highly annoyed. (More on this later, as it involves much cause for GRR.)

In which I ramble )

That was rather long-winded. Kudos to you if you read it all!

Extra kudos if you recognize where "I prefer "death retardant specialist"" comes from.
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I saw my ex, Gabe, last Sunday night for the first time in nearly 4 years. We both thought it would be super awkward, and thus a short visit. Nope. We pretty much picked up our friendship where we left off years ago. We hung out, drank coffee, walked around, did goofy things, ate yogurt, and sat on a bench to chat more. I am... amazed that it went so well. We left feeling affections for each other that we didn't think were possible after what had happened between us.

I made the mistake of losing track of time (actually I was having so much fun I didn't care what time it was) and got home at 3am. Oops. Dan had declared that he was fine with me seeing him -- he even gave me money to get yogurt with Gabe since I was broke -- but Dan was really upset that I spent such a long time with him and got back so late. Yeah, 6:30pm to 2:30am? 8 hours? Oops. We had a 3am talk. Dan said he feels like this is "only the beginning" and surmised that I want to see Gabe again when I didn't deny it just to placate him.

I can't stop thinking about Gabe. I want to see him again, and soon. I had such a wonderful time with him on Sunday night, it was like no time at all had passed. I don't want to date him, at least not at this point, but I do want to be friends with him again. He's a fun, interesting and amusing person to be around, and I miss him.

But this thing with Gabe has brought issues between me and Dan to light. I'm not happy. Dan can tell. I'm lonely. I only have Dan and my cats for companionship. I'm not happy with my job or where I'm at in life. We've been dating for over 4 1/2 years now -- 5 years this November -- and I feel that we should be moving on to the next stage in our relationship, marriage. Problem is, neither of us want to get married within the next 5 years.

I stopped wearing the Promise ring Dan gave me for our first anniversary awhile back.

Within the last few days, Dan stopped wearing his, too.

I feel like our relationship is winding down. I have mixed feelings about this. I'm looking forward to it, since I'll be free to socialize however I want with whomever I wish. But I'm sad, too. Dan has said that if we break up, we can't be friends. The break up wouldn't be mutual -- he still loves me very much. He wouldn't be able to handle just a friendship until he finds someone he cares for more than he loves me.


Jun. 4th, 2010 12:03 pm
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I just talked to Dan about seeing my ex.

Me: "One of my high school friends moved down here recently. I haven't seen or talked to him in a long time, and we were thinking about getting together to catch up."
Dan: "Okay."
Me: "It's my ex."
Dan: "I know."
Me: "..."

He was acting kind of funny about it. He kept his answers really short and avoided eye contact, which is unusual when we talk. I felt weird about it, so after processing that for a few minutes, I decided to double-check.

Me: "Are you sure?"
Dan: "I trust you." *hug*
Me: "Well we were thinking maybe this weekend while he's in town."
Dan: *shrug* "Okay."

And that was that. Either he truly is okay with it, or he's not but doesn't want to tell me what I can and cannot do. I'm thinking the latter is more likely. I am going to see my ex, and we'll talk over coffee and that will be that. And the fact that nothing happens between my ex and myself will reinforce Dan's trust in me. (Hey, he's seen some of his exes. Granted, they didn't date for very long and they just kind of ran into each other, but I let them talk and didn't drag him away like an insecure nutter.)

Is it just me, or do I sound like a brat?
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While in a very tipsy bordering on drunken state last night, I messaged my ex on Facebook. He replied this morning. He, too, seems to miss me and wants to catch up before I move out of the area. He just IM'ed me saying he's in Orange County today for an audition at 8:30 tonight. Unfortunately, I have work 2 to 7 today and he has an appointment soon, so it didn't work out. He seemed sad about that. We're trying to figure out something for next week, but he doesn't know his schedule yet. Apparently he's shooting something in Long Beach on Sunday and he's trying to work something out for that evening after I get off work.

How do I tell my boyfriend that I want to go off and see my ex-boyfriend sometime soon, alone?

I kind of feel like I'm cheating on Dan. I have no intention or interest in anything beyond catching up with someone who used to be a good friend and a fun person to be around, but still.


Jun. 2nd, 2010 04:29 pm
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He aced the interview and pop quiz, and they want him to start in three weeks. He'll be working in a lab looking mainly at RNA secondary structures. Guys, I get to move home!*

*Well, from SoCal to NorCal, but still! I'm so excited!!!
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Holy crap I don't think I've ever been this close to flipping out over this.

I went off birth control toward the end of February due to my financial situation and lack of health insurance, but we've still been practicing safe sex. Dan brought up last Saturday night as we were cuddling in bed that it had been quite awhile since I'd had it, but I don't clearly remember the last time I had my period. I know it was just ending on a Friday/Saturday that we went to Dan's parents' house. That would be either Easter weekend or two weekends before that for Tatiana's birthday. We couldn't pinpoint it better than either of the two weekends. So, four to six weeks ago. I'm used to it coming every four weeks like clockwork, either Sunday night or Monday morning, for the last five years. It was either coming up right on time, or it was two weeks late. It was that "two weeks late" part that we were concerned about. I'd meant to keep track of my periods after coming off birth control, but it kept slipping my mind, so now we have this great big question mark hanging over our heads to deal with.

Sunday came and went with no sign of it. Monday too. Days passed with no clue that it would be coming anytime, and we grew more concerned with each passing hour. Finally, on Wednesday Dan brought up the possibility of buying a home pregnancy test. I didn't want to because I was terrified of seeing a + or two lines or a big bold PREGNANT glaring up at me. Scenarios were running through my head of what I would do if I was. That's as far as I got, I couldn't bring myself to say or even think that terrible "P" word. What would I do if I took the test and it came back positive? I can't have a baby, not right now. I barely have $200 in the bank. I'm only 22. I'm trying to get a better job, and go back to school. I'm not ready to give up my life for a tiny, insistent human life. I can't even afford a dog. I could get an abortion, but I'd feel terrible even if I caught it this early. I could keep it and give it up for adoption, but I have no insurance and wouldn't be able to afford the routine check ups, not to mention anything that might pop up if something went wrong. That and I'd feel horrible having a kid out there that I didn't know. I'd feel awful thinking about how he might feel unwanted because I gave him up. All of this ran through my head in a jumbled mess in about twelve seconds.

Dan insisted that he would feel better knowing, no matter which way it turned out. At least we'd know. I knew I would stay up worrying if it came back positive, but I'd probably be able to sleep not knowing. I agreed to get the test for his peace of mind. I made him take us to the store in his car, since he had our reserved spot. I felt horribly awkward standing in the aisle staring at the pregnancy tests, trying to decide which one to get. We grabbed a First Response two-pack, since it's supposed to be able to tell within only four days of your missed period. We also got some corn on the cob. Yumm.

Of course, I'd already peed just before deciding to go to the store, so I had to drink a bunch of water while we tried to distract ourselves watching Glee. It worked, but only until the next commercial break. Damn. I finally peed on the damn stick (that was awkward) and left it in the bathroom to develop for a few minutes. Dan and I distracted ourselves more. Five minutes later, we checked the test. One line. Negative. Not pregnant. Thank god.

Of course, my period started trickling in on Thursday and came full-force on Friday. All that worrying and hand wringing and avoidance that could have just been ignored and resolved with a few more days of "wait-and-see."
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Dan and I have been dating for a long time. 4 1/2 years as of May 28th, in fact.

This relationship has been very hot and cold for me. In the beginning, I loved him more than anything. I cried for joy that he was in my life, and that he loved me and I loved him. He's always been very sweet and loving. He looks forward to my birthday, Christmas, and our anniversary for the excuse they give him to shop for presents for me, because he enjoys seeing me happy. He's been known to find gifts 3 and sometimes even 6 months in advance--he once bought tickets for Wicked a full 6 months before our anniversary. He's always more than willing to take care of me when I'm sick. He'll make me soup and fetch things from the store and help me if I'm feeling too weak, or carry me if my feet are too painful. He enjoys spending time with me. We've taken jiu jitsu, academic classes, and numerous dance classes together, where we are each other's favorite partners. He is truly a joy to dance with because he puts effort into it and is a good lead with a fine sense of rhythm. He's brilliant and willingly helped me when I was stuck in a tough class. He believes in me even when I don't and gently encourages me to be all that I can be. He can be goofy and he makes me laugh often.

But he doesn't care for music, though he plays Rock Band, played guitar, and is teaching himself how to play piano. He doesn't like parties because they're full of noisy people and loud music. He doesn't drink because he doesn't like it and he's hypoglycemic, so it's not good for him. He doesn't care for going out on the town at night because he's afraid something will happen, even if it's in a fairly safe neighborhood.

So I visit my friends without him, because I don't think they'll mix. I went to parties with my college roommate, but never with him since it's not his scene. So I listen to music on my computer, but less often and at a lower volume than I otherwise might if he enjoyed it too. So I don't drink at home because it's no fun to drink alone; I always feel like an alcoholic if I do. So we sit at home more often than not, and watch shows on hulu or movies from Netflix and cuddle; we rarely do anything more.

I don't have a network of friends like I have in the past because I allowed myself to get too wrapped up in this relationship to the exclusion of everything else except academics. It's an unhealthy habit, but it's not the first time this has happened. I got too involved right off the bat and forgot to make other friends, and by the time I felt the lack, it seemed that I'd forgotten how. Dan is a good person, but I feel like something is missing, like we've grown old and boring before our time.

He loves me, possibly more than anyone ever has in the past. I have loved him, more than I thought possible, but... now I don't. I don't feel anything but friendship at this point. I still care for him deeply, and I want him to be happy. It's not fair for him to be stuck in a relationship with someone who doesn't return his feelings in kind.

I think this relationship is over.

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Dan's family does Easter a bit differently. Instead of hiding either real hard boiled eggs or plastic eggs filled with candy, they hide plastic eggs with lotto scratchers in them. The possibility that you'll get money makes the egg hunt fierce and rather amusing for the parents. I ended up with only four eggs out of the twenty four hidden. One ticket won me $25, and another was a winner with $4. Dan, with his 7 eggs, won a free ticket. I had the fewest eggs but won the most. =D Yay, thirty bucks! I decided to hold onto my winnings and do something fun with them.

Dan and I decided that we'd had enough of sitting around the house lately, so on Sunday we headed out to The Block at Orange. We bought tickets for How to Train Your Dragon in 3D at 5:45, which gave us about 2 1/2 hours to wander around the mall and do some shopping. We found a directory and decided to check out the Neiman Marcus and Sacs 5th Avenue outlet stores. Uh, $150 for jeans, sale price? Who in their right mind would ever pay that much for a pair of jeans?? If I pay ten times as much for pants, they'd better be tens times the quality so they last ten times as long!! We ended up walking in and walking right back out again within about three seconds.

So we wandered a bit more, and Dan started to get hungry, so we headed toward the food court. I kind of wanted pizza or pasta because it smelled really good, but there was a lady standing outside a restaurant called Twin Dragons offering samples to people walking by. We foolishly approached her because free food, yay!, and each got a sample of orange chicken. It was absolutely magical. Crispy orange chicken. Yumm. I abandoned my quest for pizza and shared an entree with orange chicken from Twin Dragons with Dan instead.

The Block has one of my favorite clothing stores, H&M, but sadly, they were just putting it in and it won't be open until next month, so we had to bypass it for now. They did, however, have a G by Guess that I checked out. G had quite a few cute items that I would have loved to get, but that I'd never be able to wear given my current job. The clothes were much too nice to wear around dogs and bleach water for 8 hours at a time. It was rather disappointing, but then I found the clearance rack. One of the first things I saw was a gorgeous royal blue short trench coat with a high belt and silver buttons. The best part? It was $35, knocked down from $90. Score! I bought it. I probably won't be able to wear it until autumn comes around again (unless the current weather pattern holds -- it rained last night and this morning), but I'll be stylin' and ready when it does! What I got a kick out of most is it's called "Wild Thing Trench" on the receipt. After that, I found a store called EpiloguE that looked pretty neat, but it was almost showtime and I had limited funds, so I mentally bookmarked it to visit later.

We walked into the theatre, got some popcorn and soda (yay, coupon), and found seats for the show. We like to sit so the screen takes up nearly all of our visual fields, which means we usually end up sitting pretty darn close so there's normally no one directly in front of us. That works out great for me since I'm fairly short (roughly 5'2") and I invariably get a head blocking a big chunk of my vision if someone sits in front of me. Oh em geeee. How to Train Your Dragon is SO. CUTE. I loved it. I didn't think I would because the dragons didn't do it for me, but their mannerisms more than made up for their less than attractive features. It was a great story and it actually made me laugh out loud for reals. I have a few issues with it, but they're nit picky and really not important to the story at all. If you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend that you do in theaters. GO SEE IT. I'll probably see it again when it comes out in the dollar theatre, and I'll likely by the movie when it's released on DVD. GO SEE IT, NOW!!

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Our 4th anniversary was on the 28th. Dan gave me three gifts: two tickets to a taping of The Big Bang Theory, a "coupon" entitling me to "one entire awesome day at the famous Dan's Super Spa Day for Caties," and a gorgeous Xavier bracelet. Today was The Big Bang Theory filming.

One word: Legen--wait for it... --dary!

We got to Burbank (more like Brrrrrr-bank!) with just under an hour and a half to spare before showtime. On our way to the studio, we even saw the water tower where they keep the Animaniacs! Then we stood out in the cold, cold Burbank night until they let one large-ish group go, then we waited some more. We were told that there were no cameras or cell phones of any kind allowed in the studio, so Dan ran back to the car to store them. There went my hopes of snapping a few pictures. A big group of people showed up and got to go in immediately -- this peeved me, but it turns out they were friends and family members of the cast and crew. Finally, they let in another small group. We were the last to get in. There were more behind us, but they were denied entrance due to lack of room because of the friends and family members. We were tickets 100 and 101 out of about 220, so nearly 120 people did not get in.

We were led through security and the Warner Brothers studios lot. We stopped right before entering TBBT soundstage for a bathroom break. I ran off, and Dan held our place in line. When I got back, Dan pointed out Simon Helberg (Wolowitz) standing outside having a smoke before filming. That was cool. THEN Johnny Galecki (Leonard) came out too! Alas, my camera and phone were locked up back in my car so I couldn't get a picture. *sad*

Once everyone had returned from the restrooms, we entered the actual soundstage for TBBT. We had to pass through a second security checkpoint and make our way through a maze of heavy curtains and up some stairs to the audience seating area. We sat down and waited for the filming to start. It was still a little ways off, so they were showing the episode immediately prior to tonights filming. We got to see not ONE but TWO new episodes. Boo-yah! (BTW, it was the Christmas episode -- very funny! It will be on this Monday, so be sure to watch!)

Filming a half hour show takes a surprisingly long time. Seriously, they filmed for three hours tonight, and that doesn't even take into account all the filming they did earlier today or yesterday. Anyhow, they shot one scene at a time in chronological order. They usually did about three shots per scene, sometimes with different lines and jokes (possibly to see the audience's reaction to the jokes) and sometimes just did one-liners to get a better shot from a particular actor. One time, Jim Parsons (Sheldon) forgot one of his lines, and while he was checking, an audience member yelled, "It's okay Jim, we still love you!" He thanked the person and we all cheered. \o/ Some of the scenes in stages that couldn't be seen well by the audience were shot yesterday or earlier today and played on the monitors above us to record our reactions -- cheers, gasps, or lulz. We were seated in the front left corner, right in front of Penny's apartment. Yes, it really is just one staircase used over and over as the guys are going to or from their apartment -- they just change the decorations and apartment numbers. Facts: Leonard jumps up and down in place right before filming starts, and Penny dances to the music played for the audience.

There were some kind of long breaks between scenes when the actors had to change or get their makeup touched up or review their scripts -- or one of the millions of other reasons that might delay filming. To keep the audience entertained during these breaks, they had a host tell us jokes, do “magic,” and run little contests with the audience members. There was a dance-off, a dating game, and songs sung in native tongues. The host gave out candy and some lucky people got autographed pictures. Finally, right before the very last shot, the host announced that the person to cheer the loudest and clap the hardest at the end would get a prize. They did the scene, then hosty-man basically said the credits while the cast came out for their curtain call. I jumped up, clapped real hard and screamed and hollered my head off. I was still clapping and watching the actors when a crew member came up and handed me something through the railing.

It was a script! The whole script for the entire episode, dated and everything. I was flabbergasted. Meanwhile, the curtain call had ended and people were filing out. Dan and I hung back because it was going to take forever to get out anyway, when what should happen? Kaley Cuoco (Penny) walked up, armed with a sharpee! She signed a bunch of people's programs, including my script! Kunal Nayyar (Raj) came up while Kaley was still there, and he signed it too! He even talked to me... despite the fact that I'm a girl. *gasp* Then, to top it off, Johnny Galecki stopped by too! Jim Parsons had disappeared right after the last shot, and Simon Helberg pretty much ran away, so I missed them. BUT, 3 out of 5 ain't bad! ESPECIALLY on a script! How totally awesome is that???


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I am way behind on the times. Did Matchbox 20 break up? If so, when? I've been hearing Rob Thomas for awhile, but I just recently (as in, yesterday) put two and two together and realized -- hey! That's the guy from Matchbox 20, no wonder he sounds so familiar! Wait a second. If he's singing solo, does that mean Matchbox 20 broke up?? I mean if they did, I don't think it's a huge deal. Rob Thomas was the main songwriter and the lead singer of Matchbox 20, so him going out on his own is kind of more of the same thing. Possibly better. Point is, I've always liked Matchbox 20, and I like Rob Thomas. The point is, how did I miss this for so long??

Dan's being sneaky again. He asked me if I have any plans on Sunday evening. When I said no, he said, "You do now!" All I know is we're going to Hollywood, to either the Kodak or Grauman's Chinese Theatre (you know, the one with all the handprints out front), and "it starts" at 7pm. I'm resisting the urge to look up what's happening, so for those of you who figure it out: don't tell me!

On our first anniversary, Dan gave me a ring. It was made of gold with three pink sapphire hearts and three (tiny) diaamonds on either side of the sapphires. It was beautiful. Unfortunately, I only had it for fewer than six months before a roommate stole it. I never found it, and she never admitted to taking it. So, Dan replaced the ring. I got the second version of the same ring in the middle of the summer of 2007, when Dan was away in Queretoro for a summer research program. It was a complete surprise and had me in tears. I called him right away when I found it. Fast forward. Dan and I went on brisk walks of four or so miles while we lived in Irvine. After one such walk, I was washing my hands and noticed to my horror that one of the sapphire hearts had somehow come lose and was gone. I searched all over the apartment, hoping to find it. I didn't. I retraced our footsteps looking for it. No such luck. Dan searched for it when he got back from class. His luck was no better than mine. I was very, very upset that I had lost the stone. I had to wear a different ring for months (gold with two stones - peridot and blue zircon, our birthstones). It was nice, but I missed the other one. Dan got his first paycheck after being "rehired" at his research lab at UCI. He ordered a package that I was to open "as soon as it arrived." There was a very loud, insistent knock on the door on Tuesday around 10am. It was the package! I waited for Dan to get out of the shower, then I opened it. I was the ring, gold with three pink sapphire hearts, and three small diamonds set on either side. It's so shiny and pretty and sparkly! <3 Dan!

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ZOMG I'LL BE A COLLEGE GRADUATE IN ONE MONTH. This time next month, I will have already walked across the stage, gotten my diploma, and celebrated with my family. Ah, it's so exciting and scary! Exciting because I'll finally be done with UCI and I'll have a chance to be an ~adult for about a year before I go back to being a student, scary because holy crap real world. I have a ridiculous amount of stuff to get done before the end of the summer. I need to study for and take the GRE (thankfully, no subject tests required!); work with a vet for 180+ hours; get letters of recommendation from the zoo, said veterinarian, and a professor; fill out vet school applications; write a personal statement... am I forgetting anything?

Oh and GOOD NEWS: I definitely have a job with LARC this summer, and because I'll be a college graduate, I'll be an ~*~advanced~*~ tutor instead of a measly peer tutor, I get paid more.  I'm tutoring N110 (neurobiology) again during Summer Session I, and Bio 37 (Brain Dysfunction) for Professor Anson (whom I heart) during SSII!!! So, I'll be doing the same work I do now for more hours every week, AND for more pay!! The only drawback I see is it cuts into time I can spend with a veterinarian, but I'll just have to work it out so I can tutor and spend as much time as possible with a vet. 

Relationship-wise: Things between Dan and I have been AMAZING. I honestly can't wait to see him when we are separated by class (is that weird?), just seeing him and hugging him is enought make me happy. He's so supportive and loving; I'm a lucky gal to have him. At any rate, we are thinking about getting an apartment in Huntington Beach when our leases here are up at the end of August. EXCITING, but I feel ambivalent about it. I love him to itty bitty pieces, but I've always felt that I don't want us to live together until we get married because it will be more... special? that way. Even though we practically live together right now anyway (he's at my house nearly every night, but all of his stuff is at his apartment). Moving in together is a huge step, nearly as big as getting hitched. I'd just like the two big events to coincide, ya' know? Alternatively, we could get a two-bedroom apartment, with me in one bedroom and him and a roommate in the other. That way, we're living together but not really? Oh rationalizations, how I love thee. 

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This actually happened on Sunday (April 26th), but I haven't had time to write it up until now.

Sometimes talking to my mother makes me want to scream. I just realized that our first family reunion in nearly 10 years is next weekend, so I called home saying I was interested in going, and that I had invited Dan too. Everything was hunky-dory until I mentioned that Dan wanted to see his friend Seth so they could work on another video. And I refused to let them buy me a plane ticket. Then my dear mother started ranting about how Dan controls my life and we're attached at the hip and I can't/won't do anything without him.

Apparently my mother feels like she can’t talk to me when he’s around. It’s not the same. I always bring him home; I never come home alone anymore. Uhhh, hello? I came home, alone, for two weeks over winter break. Thanksgiving, too. And that week in August. All alone, no Dan with me (okay, we visited with Dan up in San Francisco when I was home in August just to show in around the city a bit, but that was only a few hours out of an entire week). I bring him home for spring break, and that’s about it. She says she doesn’t understand why I “need a boyfriend.” She keeps reminding me about things that happened over a year ago when I was having doubts about our relationship. Apparently, she wants me to break up with him. Guess what? I did! We weren’t together for about three months. Guess what happened? We got back together! All of that was my decision. I initiated the break up, but I couldn’t stand not being with him. I am the one who decided we should get back together. Dan never wanted to break up, but he let me because he wants what is best for me. That is love, I don’t care what you say. He was willing to let me go because he thought it might make me happier. How is that controlling me? How is that bad for me?

She doesn’t understand that I love him. She refuses to acknowledge that this is the man that I will be marrying sometime soon. She doesn’t realize how well Dan treats me – he is exactly what I want from my partner. Dan is incredibly sweet and loving, he helps me out whenever I ask him, he’ll take over doing the dishes after I’ve made dinner, he calms me down whenever I get upset. We get along very well. He makes me laugh everyday. Seeing him after being separated for hours brightens my day. He’s gentle; he never ever hits me no matter how upset he might get. He never yells, either. Sometimes he snaps, but everyone does once in a while. He has never said or done anything malicious towards me. I love him, and he loves me. But she doesn’t see it, or she doesn’t want to.

Yes, we have had fights. We’ve had our ups and downs, just like all couples. But guess what? We’ve worked through them. We don’t let them fester. We talk it out, cry, and make up. Things get better. He doesn’t control me; I try to accommodate him because I want to. He accommodates me when I ask. How is this in any way a bad relationship??

All I'm trying to do is give Dan and my family a chance to get to know each other. I want this to all be happy fun times, but my mother has apparently built up so much resentment towards Dan that it never happens. It's like she's afraid that he's taking me away from her. This situation is very upsetting. I need my mother to like Dan. I can't stand the thought of marrying Dan, only to have my mother hate him. That's not how this is supposed to be. I'm trying to bring someone, whom I love deeply, into our family, but she's rejecting him. Maybe I'm blowing this all out of proportion, but this is how she's making me feel, and I hate it. 

Some of you on my flist know him, or have at least met him. What are your thoughts? Why does my mother keep acting like this?

nohanii: (Default)
Dan and I were discussing what to watch while eating lunch. The following is a section of our conversation:

Me: Do we have anything other than Dollhouse?
Dan: Did we watch Bones yet?
Me: I don't know... I think we did. It focused on Cam a lot.
nohanii: (Default)
I swear, I'm neurotic. I check LJ and my email every five seconds to see if anyone has updated or commented. Gawd, I'm such an attention whore. Though, I also do this with online novels and such, so I think I'm just bored. Entertain me!

Dan's making me an icon, but so far it's not working out for size reasons *pouts* 

To Do:
- D111L post-lab
- D111L pre-lab
- N113L experimental design *stabs*
- Roman history midterm (Monday 3/2) - STUDY! easy as pie
- N113L lab report (due Tuesday 3/3)
- Nutrition midterm (Friday 3/6) - STUDY!
D111L lab report (due Friday 3/6) 10 pages! whew

Good news!

Feb. 25th, 2009 08:32 pm
nohanii: (Default)
I have the bestest boyfriend evar. That's right, the bestest.

cut for talk about the vajayjay apointment )
nohanii: (Default)
I forgot to mention what else Dan got me for Valentine's Day! Bad, bad me! Bad!!

So, that evening he gave me a necklace with a pendant in the shape of a heart. One half of the heart was simple gold and the other half had rubies.  Right before going to sleep, he gave me a beautiful gold chain to replace and old one that I'm afraid of wearing (the old one's so thin I'm afraid of losing the pendant, so it almost never gets worn =/ ). This new chain is sturdier, and it's assembled so that the links make the chain spiral around it's self. It makes the chain sparkly and gorgeous. *sigh* I love him =)

Edit: It's okay, he forgot to give me the rest of my chocolates until Sunday. He filled a heart-shaped tin with
two of my favorites, kit-kats and andes.
nohanii: (Default)
Dan came over late Friday night to sleep with me (late because I'd been preparing a few things last-minute). Just after midnight, he gave me a heart-shaped box of Russel Stover chocolates and "officially" gave me the white and pink roses that had been adorning my apartment since Tuesday. We curled up and went to sleep together. It's the best feeling ever to just fall asleep with someone you love and who loves you.

Dan woke up early on Saturday and forebade me to get up until he came to get me. An hour later, he led me out to the livingroom where he gave me a huge three-part heart "I Love You!" balloon. We had a breakfast of yogurt, ham, fresh strawberries, and fresh-from-the-oven blueberry muffins while we watched the first episode of Dollhouse, which was pretty awesome. [Jewel, my little calico brat, decided she wanted blueberry muffins too, and ended up stealing a hot one right off the plate. It was hilarious watching her try (and somewhat succeed) to eat the muffin. I tried to get pictures, but of course, she stopped when I came back with my camera. We ended up giving her that muffin, but she never went back to eating it (instead she'd try to steal mine whenever I had one!).] I gave him his first "present" of the day: a Valentine's card and a box of Sweethearts. Then he convinced me to get dressed for the gym for a quick workout because "I'd need it for later." We came home, where I'd left a series of little notes on heart-shaped post-its detailing why I love him. He liked it so much, he had this huge smile on his face and nearly started to cry. We took a hot shower and got dressed then headed out for lunch!

He took me to Zenko, a Korean-run all-you-can-eat sushi bar in Mission Viejo. OMG it was so good. We ordered something like $70-80 worth of sushi and appetizers (when ordered individually), but we only had to pay half that price. We spent a good hour and a half eating sushi and chatting. Afterwards, I gave him a really awesome ring whose band was made in the shape of a bat because he's such a big Batman fan. He thought it was fantastic. =) We headed back to Irvine and went to the dollar theatre (because we're poor) to see Bolt! I'd surprised him with a bag of fresh-made kettle corn from one of the "gypsies" (flea market-type thing) on campus, so we brought that to the theatre to snack on but we were so full of sushi we didn't have a single bite of it! Bolt was a super cute movie that made me laugh and reminded me strongly of Homeward Bound at times.

The we came back to my apartment and watched an episode of Psych that we had missed, but we were both so exhausted that we curled up together and took a nap for nearly two hours while I had tea brewing for both of us. When we finally woke up, I reheated our tea and gave him a box of Russel Stover dark chocolates. Dan treated us to frozen yogurt at Yogurtland for dessert, which we ate while watching Buffy curled up together on my bed. We didn't have any dinner that night because we were both still pretty full from all that sushi earlier, but the yogurt was great =)

Right before going to sleep at midnight, I gave him a ring to replace the one I'd given him for our first anniversary (almost 2 1/2 years ago) that had gotten beat up and scratched. He LOVED it. [It's a little small, so I need to trade it for one that's a half-size (or maybe a full-size?) bigger. He's a size 7, which is what I ordered, but either the ring fits small or it's just not big enough for his knuckles. He could get the ring on okay, but he had to use lotion to get the darn thing off his finger. Pros: he can't lose it now! bwahaha! Cons: he can't take it off when he needs to (showering, etc).] Then, we went to sleep together, and it was perfect. 


nohanii: (Default)

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