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Apr. 19th, 2010 10:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nohaniiDan and I have been dating for a long time. 4 1/2 years as of May 28th, in fact.
This relationship has been very hot and cold for me. In the beginning, I loved him more than anything. I cried for joy that he was in my life, and that he loved me and I loved him. He's always been very sweet and loving. He looks forward to my birthday, Christmas, and our anniversary for the excuse they give him to shop for presents for me, because he enjoys seeing me happy. He's been known to find gifts 3 and sometimes even 6 months in advance--he once bought tickets for Wicked a full 6 months before our anniversary. He's always more than willing to take care of me when I'm sick. He'll make me soup and fetch things from the store and help me if I'm feeling too weak, or carry me if my feet are too painful. He enjoys spending time with me. We've taken jiu jitsu, academic classes, and numerous dance classes together, where we are each other's favorite partners. He is truly a joy to dance with because he puts effort into it and is a good lead with a fine sense of rhythm. He's brilliant and willingly helped me when I was stuck in a tough class. He believes in me even when I don't and gently encourages me to be all that I can be. He can be goofy and he makes me laugh often.
But he doesn't care for music, though he plays Rock Band, played guitar, and is teaching himself how to play piano. He doesn't like parties because they're full of noisy people and loud music. He doesn't drink because he doesn't like it and he's hypoglycemic, so it's not good for him. He doesn't care for going out on the town at night because he's afraid something will happen, even if it's in a fairly safe neighborhood.
So I visit my friends without him, because I don't think they'll mix. I went to parties with my college roommate, but never with him since it's not his scene. So I listen to music on my computer, but less often and at a lower volume than I otherwise might if he enjoyed it too. So I don't drink at home because it's no fun to drink alone; I always feel like an alcoholic if I do. So we sit at home more often than not, and watch shows on hulu or movies from Netflix and cuddle; we rarely do anything more.
I don't have a network of friends like I have in the past because I allowed myself to get too wrapped up in this relationship to the exclusion of everything else except academics. It's an unhealthy habit, but it's not the first time this has happened. I got too involved right off the bat and forgot to make other friends, and by the time I felt the lack, it seemed that I'd forgotten how. Dan is a good person, but I feel like something is missing, like we've grown old and boring before our time.
He loves me, possibly more than anyone ever has in the past. I have loved him, more than I thought possible, but... now I don't. I don't feel anything but friendship at this point. I still care for him deeply, and I want him to be happy. It's not fair for him to be stuck in a relationship with someone who doesn't return his feelings in kind.
I think this relationship is over.
This relationship has been very hot and cold for me. In the beginning, I loved him more than anything. I cried for joy that he was in my life, and that he loved me and I loved him. He's always been very sweet and loving. He looks forward to my birthday, Christmas, and our anniversary for the excuse they give him to shop for presents for me, because he enjoys seeing me happy. He's been known to find gifts 3 and sometimes even 6 months in advance--he once bought tickets for Wicked a full 6 months before our anniversary. He's always more than willing to take care of me when I'm sick. He'll make me soup and fetch things from the store and help me if I'm feeling too weak, or carry me if my feet are too painful. He enjoys spending time with me. We've taken jiu jitsu, academic classes, and numerous dance classes together, where we are each other's favorite partners. He is truly a joy to dance with because he puts effort into it and is a good lead with a fine sense of rhythm. He's brilliant and willingly helped me when I was stuck in a tough class. He believes in me even when I don't and gently encourages me to be all that I can be. He can be goofy and he makes me laugh often.
But he doesn't care for music, though he plays Rock Band, played guitar, and is teaching himself how to play piano. He doesn't like parties because they're full of noisy people and loud music. He doesn't drink because he doesn't like it and he's hypoglycemic, so it's not good for him. He doesn't care for going out on the town at night because he's afraid something will happen, even if it's in a fairly safe neighborhood.
So I visit my friends without him, because I don't think they'll mix. I went to parties with my college roommate, but never with him since it's not his scene. So I listen to music on my computer, but less often and at a lower volume than I otherwise might if he enjoyed it too. So I don't drink at home because it's no fun to drink alone; I always feel like an alcoholic if I do. So we sit at home more often than not, and watch shows on hulu or movies from Netflix and cuddle; we rarely do anything more.
I don't have a network of friends like I have in the past because I allowed myself to get too wrapped up in this relationship to the exclusion of everything else except academics. It's an unhealthy habit, but it's not the first time this has happened. I got too involved right off the bat and forgot to make other friends, and by the time I felt the lack, it seemed that I'd forgotten how. Dan is a good person, but I feel like something is missing, like we've grown old and boring before our time.
He loves me, possibly more than anyone ever has in the past. I have loved him, more than I thought possible, but... now I don't. I don't feel anything but friendship at this point. I still care for him deeply, and I want him to be happy. It's not fair for him to be stuck in a relationship with someone who doesn't return his feelings in kind.
I think this relationship is over.
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no subject
Date: 2010-04-20 07:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-21 03:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-20 07:52 am (UTC)btw, I know you've mentioned a few times that you wish you had more friends to hang out with. I don't know what your plans are after you guys break up, so I don't know if you'll be sticking around in Orange County, but if you are sticking around and ever want to hang out, let me know. I need more people to hang out with as well.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-20 04:27 pm (UTC)