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Thanksgiving was both fun and a disaster and a half. My Aunt Jan lives up in Washington state, and she came up with the wonderful idea to have Thanksgiving at my parent's new house up there (oh yeah, they bought a house within 20 minutes of Aunt Jan a few months ago; they're trying to rent it out until they can move up). If we went, we would be spending Thanksgiving with Aunt Jan and cousin Kirian for the first time in nearly a decade. I love them both dearly, so it sounds fun, right?

 Wrong )


I hope all of you had a far better Thanksgiving break than I did!
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Note: This post may be considered TMI for some, but it's my blog and I need to talk about this. If you're uncomfortable with talk about sex, just skip it

I which I ramble... )

Has anyone else had this problem? What did you do about it? What method of BC do you use now? Other than "I'm LGBT so I don't have to worry about it! Haha stupid straight people =P" (I'm looking at YOU, Kelly and Geena!)
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Mom and Dad disappeared for hours today. When they came back, they had a brand new 2010 Honda Civic.

They gave me (or, more accurately, are letting me use) Mom's 2001 Acura. This is three days after I talked to Dad about using the settlement money from my car to buy a used ~2009 Kia, and he approved of the plan.

Their reasoning? "But you wanted the Acura!"

Yeah, until I had to start driving it again and discovered how grossly inefficient it is. Before I had the chance to upgrade to a newer, nicer, and still gas-efficient car -- one that had better than an average 22 mpg. My Honda made on average 33 mpg. Now I'm stuck with this car that really just makes me feel gross.

I understand why they thought this would be okay -- they own my 2001 Civic, not me, and I've been making noises for ages about getting one of the two Acuras. But seriously. My car got totaled. I fought to get a higher settlement than was offered. I just talked to Dad about getting a Kia with the settlement money. Then they turned around and did this.

I feel cheated. I was the one in a car crash. I was the one who lost a car. I was the one who managed to get over $700 more compared to the original settlement. They didn't do anything. They already had four cars -- four cars between the two of them -- in perfect condition. But Mom wanted a new car, and she is the one who gets what she wants.

Oh, and the kicker? They're always complaining about how oh-so-broke they are. They just bought a car for over $17,000. My settlement was $8000. They now owe ~$9000 in car payments. They just bought the Pilot last year and are still paying it off. And they're still working on payments for the Corvette that was bought ~2 years before that. If I'd gotten a used Kia, I could have bought one for ~$10,000, and owed only ~$2000 on it by using the settlement as a down payment.

But no. They went behind my back and did this.

I really honestly expected Mom to get a new car this weekend. I thought they would trade one of the Acuras in to get it. I didn't even consider that they would pull this BS, at least not without first talking to me about it. Even if they settlement isn't actually my money, I feel that they owed me that courtesy if nothing else.
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So I got a call from my doctor's office. Apparently, my health insurance won't pay for my last visit -- I had to get my white blood cell count re-checked a month and a half ago after a latent infection. Now, I know I'm covered. I've been having problems like this since I was re-admitted for coverage in June. I called the insurance company to talk to them about it. They pulled up my file and said that yes, I am covered. They directed me to call the Human Resources department of my father's company to make sure there wasn't a problem on their end. I called, gave them my information, and they confirmed that, yes, I am covered on their end as well. Next step, I called the doctor's office back and told them what I had just gone through -- both the insurance company and the HR department confirmed my coverage, so it had to be a problem on their end. I told them they needed to call the insurance company for confirmation, because this was obviously their problem. There, problem solved.

Right?

Nope.

They called me back a half hour later and left this message:

"I think there was some confusion on the information umm that I--we had exchanged today. Pretty much when I called this morning to check the status of  a claim for your uh visit on 7/14 I had informed you that the claim is on hold because the insurance the insurance is requiring a full-time student status. You do show you being covered on the plan, being an active member on the plan, but umm they won't process the claim regardless of your eligibility because they want to know if you are a full-time student which you had stated that you had graduated last year or at least early this year.  And so umm the insurance, they are not going to pay the claim because of not being able to show that you are still a full-time student. That is the information I that was given early and also I called them just now. It's not a matter of being eligible, but it's a matter of proving your full-time student status, and since you graduated, they will not be able to pay for the service."

So essentially, I'm eligible to be covered but I'm not covered because I'm not a full-time student, so I;'m ineligible? What? Methinks the insurance company needs to train their employees again. I am correct in thinking that the healthcare bill passed by Congress several months ago extended a parent's medical plan to cover and child of 26 or younger, regardless of student status, yes? We went over this months ago. Our insurance decided to be responsible by implementing this particular bit of reform with the new quarter (which started in June, I believe) on an opt-in basis. We opted in.

So why is this so hard to get right?
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Holy crap I don't think I've ever been this close to flipping out over this.

I went off birth control toward the end of February due to my financial situation and lack of health insurance, but we've still been practicing safe sex. Dan brought up last Saturday night as we were cuddling in bed that it had been quite awhile since I'd had it, but I don't clearly remember the last time I had my period. I know it was just ending on a Friday/Saturday that we went to Dan's parents' house. That would be either Easter weekend or two weekends before that for Tatiana's birthday. We couldn't pinpoint it better than either of the two weekends. So, four to six weeks ago. I'm used to it coming every four weeks like clockwork, either Sunday night or Monday morning, for the last five years. It was either coming up right on time, or it was two weeks late. It was that "two weeks late" part that we were concerned about. I'd meant to keep track of my periods after coming off birth control, but it kept slipping my mind, so now we have this great big question mark hanging over our heads to deal with.

Sunday came and went with no sign of it. Monday too. Days passed with no clue that it would be coming anytime, and we grew more concerned with each passing hour. Finally, on Wednesday Dan brought up the possibility of buying a home pregnancy test. I didn't want to because I was terrified of seeing a + or two lines or a big bold PREGNANT glaring up at me. Scenarios were running through my head of what I would do if I was. That's as far as I got, I couldn't bring myself to say or even think that terrible "P" word. What would I do if I took the test and it came back positive? I can't have a baby, not right now. I barely have $200 in the bank. I'm only 22. I'm trying to get a better job, and go back to school. I'm not ready to give up my life for a tiny, insistent human life. I can't even afford a dog. I could get an abortion, but I'd feel terrible even if I caught it this early. I could keep it and give it up for adoption, but I have no insurance and wouldn't be able to afford the routine check ups, not to mention anything that might pop up if something went wrong. That and I'd feel horrible having a kid out there that I didn't know. I'd feel awful thinking about how he might feel unwanted because I gave him up. All of this ran through my head in a jumbled mess in about twelve seconds.

Dan insisted that he would feel better knowing, no matter which way it turned out. At least we'd know. I knew I would stay up worrying if it came back positive, but I'd probably be able to sleep not knowing. I agreed to get the test for his peace of mind. I made him take us to the store in his car, since he had our reserved spot. I felt horribly awkward standing in the aisle staring at the pregnancy tests, trying to decide which one to get. We grabbed a First Response two-pack, since it's supposed to be able to tell within only four days of your missed period. We also got some corn on the cob. Yumm.

Of course, I'd already peed just before deciding to go to the store, so I had to drink a bunch of water while we tried to distract ourselves watching Glee. It worked, but only until the next commercial break. Damn. I finally peed on the damn stick (that was awkward) and left it in the bathroom to develop for a few minutes. Dan and I distracted ourselves more. Five minutes later, we checked the test. One line. Negative. Not pregnant. Thank god.

Of course, my period started trickling in on Thursday and came full-force on Friday. All that worrying and hand wringing and avoidance that could have just been ignored and resolved with a few more days of "wait-and-see."
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Okaaay..... what happened to my late-spring-bordering-on-summer weather? Today has decided that it's a grand idea to revert to late autumn weather. Seriously, 60 degrees with a 70% chance of rain tonight. Why so wonky, weather??

I managed to get three days off in a row last week (Friday, Saturday, Sunday), so Dan and I were going to go down to the local pound to try to find a dog for me. I've wanted a dog for the last two-plus years, and it's just gotten to that point where I feel like a absolutely NEED one. We spent the early part of the week brainstorming things to get for the dog before we adopted it and came up with a pretty long list. I have my heart set on getting a border collie* (zomg beautiful), but an English shepherd or Australian shepherd would also make me happy. I wound up spending four hours on the computer trying to locate a border collie either  in a shelter or a rescue group somewhere within an hour and a half of my home and found a few likely candidates... then I found out that my apartment community has an 18 pound weight limit on pets. EIGHTEEN POUNDS. &*(#@?! What the heck? I know cats bigger than that!! So now I can either get a dog and keep it secret/pretend I don't know about the restriction, or I can wait another few months until I move out of this craphole. Damnit. I could go the deception route, but I think that would be stressful and detract from the joy of adopting a dog. I guess I'll just have to wait. =/ Damnit, I really wanted a dog, too. Last weekend would have been the perfect time to get one, since I had so much time off that I could have spent to get to know the dog. Grr.

*Before anyone says anything, yes, I'm sure I want a border collie. I've met border collies at work, and I've loved every single one of them. They're smart and gorgeous and gentle and they love people. I know they have a high energy level, and that's great for me. I've been going out more recently to run or rollerblade, and I want a dog that I can take out with me. Border collies have a strong work drive, which is awesome since I really want to do something like agility, herding, or frisbee with the dog, or all three. I bought a book about border collies that has a section full of questions about whether or not you're the right person for this breed, and I answered YES to all the questions, so it should be a good fit. It will just take a little while longer to get my dog, since my apartment community is stupid.
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I feel like my brain is turning to mush. Since graduating from university last June, I have had so little actual mental stimulation that I am convinced my brain is actually slowly melting and leaking out my ears. I try to avoid sitting at the computer all day when I'm not working, but mostly I just read novels if I'm not on the internet. I'm pretty sure work itself is so mind-numbing that it's speeding up the collapse of my brain. I was so used to problem solving and struggling to understand complex material that I thought I would welcome a break from academia. Boy, was I wrong.

I miss school. I miss learning new things every day. I miss standing up in front of a group to explain and diagram and discuss case studies to get a point across. Hell, I even miss pulling all-nighters to study for exams. There was a certain comfort to the routine of school, and that's gone now. Now, one day blends into the next and weeks coalesce and become difficult to distinguish one day or week from the one before.

My brain literally feels fuzzy. You know that buzz you get when you've had enough drinks to affect how you think? I feel that, all the time. My mind feels slow, like it's slogging through deep mud, or trying to run against a strong wind. I don't like it, and I need to do something about it. I'm searching for a new job to replace DoggieTown and all its mind-numbing uniformity. We finally got Windows 7 installed on my computer, so I'm going back to learning Italian on Rosetta Stone. I think I want to do a little every day, and constantly review what I have already done. But I need more than that. I think, for now, I may resort to reading some of my textbooks that I liked, mostly neurobiology, classics, and maybe nutrition.

I'm trying to be more physically active, too. I've gone running around the neighborhood a few times, usually two miles at a time, and have roller bladed to or from work several times (that's four miles each way!) since getting my blades on Valentine's Day. I don't have access to a gym, and can't afford one at this point in time. Dan's going to see if he can somehow pass me into the ARC (school gym) once or twice a week so I can go to jiu jitsu with him if I want. I'm considering looking up some kind of team sport that I can join, both for the physical activity and the chance to meet people. I found a rock climbing facility not too far from here that's only $60 a month for unlimited wall access, including equipment, so I think I'll give that a try. Maybe I'll get Dan to run down to the beach with me and play down there for a while, too.

I have all of these things that I want to do (that's not even scratching the surface of what I REALLY want), but this mental fog is so difficult to work around. It makes me feel like doing nothing because it's just too hard -- to hard to think, to get up and just DO. I'm hoping that stretching my mental muscle a bit might help me overcome this fuzziness. I want to get into a better, healthier, more fun, more ME routine, because this idling is just killing me.
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Ahahaha. I just found out that Tatiana has a blogspot. First thing I saw: "People need to be kinder to one another." Uh yeah, starting with you being kinder towards your mother. From what I've read, she sounds kind of pretentious. I especially laughed when she cited some lady who was nice to her at a store as a "really good person." Honey, that doesn't make her a really good person, it just means she was nice to you. A "really good person" is someone who goes out of their way to help someone even if their help has not been specifically requested. For example: people who work with Habitat for Humanity or Amnesty International; people who go out and help other unknown people make home improvements; people who dedicate time to wildlife and environmental conservation without need for a "thanks" of any kind -- those are "great" people. Someone who holds the door for you is not necessarily great, merely nice.

Maybe that's not what she meant, but it's how I read it. Seriously though, if you want to see some improvement in the world, start by improving yourself. I'm looking at you, Tati.
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I have been wanting cake ALL DAY. Seriously, since I was talking to my parents on the phone late last night when they walked in and found that Kelly had made my mom a birthday cake while they were gone this weekend. Sweet, moist vanilla cake, chocolate cake, carrot cake, that birthday cake with the melty candy things baked into it with fudgy, vanilla, chocolate or pretty much any other kind of icing.... Cupcakes would definitely work, heck even brownies and donuts are close enough.

Claudian, part B of my apartment's management team, stopped by today. He said "Happy Thanksgiving!" and thrust a pie at me. Stunned, I said "oh, thank you?" (because let's face it, how often does that happen?) and took it. It was a pumpkin pie.

I wanted cake... and I got pie.

I think the Universe is laughing at me.
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I am pissed and depressed and frustrated.

I had an interview on Thursday the 29th for a position as a receptionist/secretary at a nearby doctor's office. I got there about ten minutes early and found out, hey there are about eight other people waiting for an interview with this guy. This will be fun. And of course, being a doctor, he is running late. I finally get called back 2nd to last. While waiting, we had formed a sort of cheerleading team -- chorused "good luck" whenever someone ahead of us went in and "bye!" when someone left. By the time it was my turn, there was one girl remaining. I felt bad because there was no one left to be her cheerleader, so I promised I would wait for her, then I went into my interview.

Dr. Diliberto was a nice guy. He greeted me with a smile, a handshake, and a completely exasperated statement: "Would you believe I got over 500 responses??" He told me he was looking to quickly weed out a bunch of candidates to get a reasonable number for further interviews. He was mainly looking for someone with a good personality "who could handle the difficult calls" -- he was willing to train an inexperienced candidate as long as a she met the personality requirement. We spoke a bit more and he ended up saying that he really liked me even though I was overqualified ("not that that's a bad thing") and put four stars at the top of my resume. He walked me back out, and I re-entered the waiting room where Christina, the last remaining candidate, was still waiting. I chatted with her a bit, and said I'd wait for her to get out. Five minutes later, she was back. We compared notes on our way out to our cars, and she said that the doctor had said he liked both of us a lot. On Friday afternoon, I received a call from the office. I had a second interview.

On Monday the 2nd, I went in for my second interview with Dr. Diliberto. He gave me a tour of the office and a brief run down of the average appointment and what my responsibilities and benefits would be if I were to be hired. He said to expect a call sometime on Tuesday with news either way.

Tuesday came and went. No call.

I got the call on Tuesday. He "really liked me, but unfortunately," Dr. Diliberto had hired someone else. He asked if he could keep my resume in the "active" folder in case he lost another employee to the recession. He expects there might be another opening within the next few months. Apparently one of his current employees is considering leaving the state for financial reasons.

I'm pissed. I thought I had this one in the bag. If I didn't, I thought Christina did. But no, neither of us got the job. I lost a lot of my job hunt drive because that was just so, so disappointing. It's been two weeks and I haven't gotten back into the groove yet. Some please tell me that one of these opportunities will work out in my favor? Just one??


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I spoke too soon. Pauline was home when I got back from grocery shopping last night, and guess what? MY CAT WAS OUTSIDE. I live in an apartment community. I don't feel that there is appropriate safe space for cats to be wandering around outside since most of the surrounding area is parking lot. Hence, I keep my cat inside at all times, or I let her out on the balcony when I'm home. Jewel was down in the parking area when I got home. I heard her collar jingle when I got out of the car. When she saw me, she ran up to the apartment like she was scared of being outside. I followed her upstairs to let her in, and I found Xio and her friend on the staircase. I walked past without saying anything because I didn't want to accuse her of something she may not have had anything to do with. When I let Jewel in, I heard someone in the kitched and saw pauline's laptop on the desk. So on my way back down to the car, I asked Xio how long she'd been home: about five minutes, and she hadn't been inside yet. Queen Bitch pauline let my cat out.

This is not a cat who will slip out at any opportunity. She takes ages to decide whether or not she wants to go out, and that takes leaving the door open for at least five minutes. I don't know if this was intentional, but it should not have happened. pauline KNOWS that Jewel is an indoor cat and that the front door needs to be kept closed at all times since there is no screen door. If it was accidental, fine, but be more careful in the future. If it was intentional, WTF? If she has a problem with me, she needs to talk to me about it, not let my cat out to her possible death. LEAVE MY CAT OUT OF IT. GAH.

I AM SO GLAD I'M MOVING OUT IN A WEEK AND A HALF.


In other news, I started a new ~diet last Friday. Dan's been doing this since last Tuesday-ish. This diet is set up so I only eat a set amount of calories (1300), based on my weight and metabolic rate. I can basically still eat whatever I want, as long as 35% of my caloric intake is protein, 45% is carbs, and 20% is fat. Dan lost about 5 pounds in the first week. Since last Wednesday, I have gained a little under one pound, according to the scale. But, according to the calliper, I have lost fat! I went from about 117.3 to 118.0 pounds, and from 11 to 7 on the calliper in one week. So, it looks like I've gained muscle but lost fat for a small overall weight gain. I have three weeks left of this ~diet. Let's see what happens!
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This is getting ridiculous. Persilla Queen of the Desert (aka Pauline) has decided that it is quite all right to lock me out of the room any time she chooses so that she can have sex. This has happened at least five times in the last week.

On Sunday, I got up somewhat early (8-9 am) and went into the living room so I wouldn't bother her or her boyfriend who were still asleep in the bedroom. They woke up soon after that and locked the door and started having sex while I was in the living room. I wasn't even dressed for the day yet. I had to go knock on the door to be allowed into my own room so I could get my clothes and leave. Well, I left the door open because I would be going in and out for a bit while getting prepared for the day. I walked in through the OPEN bedroom door and walked right in on her going down on him. Fortunately, the blanket was strategically placed so I didn't see much of him, but I got an eyeful of her fat ass. Seriously?? The door was OPEN, dipshit!

After coming home from the gym today, the bedroom door was wide open. Turns out, they were napping. Fine, whatever. But now, I'm locked out of my room AGAIN while they have sex AGAIN. Once or twice is fine. But nearly every day? Enough is enough. I get that this is a relatively new relationship, but still. Some basic courtesy would be appreciated: a) don't lock me out of the room that we share while I'm home, b) don't have sex on my furniture (which I know they've done at least 2 or 3 times), and c) don't have sex while I'm home!! My sex life has suffered because I follow all three of this guidelines. I hate that it has, but I value some semblance of peace in the apartment. I really want to start violating all of these "guidelines" all the time, just to show her how rude it is.

What would you do if you were in the same situation, flist?


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I went to bed slightly early last night because I planned to go to the zoo this morning (so I had to get up around 6 am to be there by 7:30 am). At some point, Xiomara came in (with her boyfriend) to go to sleep. I didn't hear a sound. Apparently around that time, my cat got let out of the room and shut out. So, around 3:30 am I was woken up be some determined scratching at the carpet in front of the bedroom door. I opened it to let the cat it, and left the door open so she could come and go as needed. I figured that, since the apartment was dark and it was nearly 4 am, everyone was already settled for the night so there would be no one thumping around to wake me up. Boy, was I wrong.

Around 4 am, I was woken up by the sound of gasping coming from the living room. pauline was having sex (I believe she was on my couch*, eww). I drifted off at some point, absolutely mortified that my couch was being defiled by pauline. They stopped not too long after that and came in the bedroom to go to bed. They came in, scuffing their feet and chatting. I woke up. Again. pauline fiddled with her phone (not on silent) and climbed in to her noisy bed with some guy  who I can only assume to be her boyfriend. Then they proceeded to carry on a "whispered" conversation about something or other. I got feed up because they were keeping me awake when I really needed to get some sleep, so I spoke up: "You guys really aren't as quiet as you think you are." That made them be quiet. For all of a minute and a half. By this point, Dan had been awake for quite some time, too (which is usually pretty hard to do, so you know they were making noise; it wasn't just me), and he made some moaning/groaning/annoyed/stfu noise. So I said something to the effect of: "either stop talking or leave the room." Her reply? Use earplugs. ?!? So I just said, "Fuck off, I have to get up early tomorrow." She finally got quiet and went to sleep. By this time it was nearly 5 am, and I was wide awake. I ended up dozing at some point, not really asleep, until my alarm went off at 6:10 am. I lost 2+ hours of sleep due to pauline's selfishness.

I
NEED TO MOVE OUT. Now, pls. kthx.

*When I got up this morning, the couch was in complete disarray. Yes, they were fucking on it. Ewww. Anyone have some couch disinfectant?
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Mmmm I'm spoiled. Boyfriend's been playing with my hair for a half hour now. And my kitty's being a cuddle-bug. School's out for three weeks, and I'm going home in about a week to see my family. I get to see my sister for the first time in about 9 months, and I get to meet her SO. She seems like a really nice person, so I'm really looking forward to that. (I know you read this. I really am that excited to be meeting you. ILU.) Dan made me hot chocolate while we watched Smallville and brought me ice cream later, after he played with my hair for ages. I also got a work out in today and washed my sheets. Oh, and we decorated the Christmas tree. (The cat keeps investigating the tree. First she was curled up under it, then she started thinking about climbing it. So cute.) So, good day.

Unfortunately I'm spending most of tomorrow locked away in the lab so I can get some work done on stupid Amira. It's easy enough, it's just taking far too long. Hopefully I'll get this scan done in a few days and then I'll be done. I have to tell them that I won't be returning next quarter since I already have way too much to do. (15 units, tutoring for LARC, volunteering at the zoo, working at a vet clinic, and prepping for the DAT) And I have to convince my PI (principal investigator, the professor in charge of the lab) that I am NOT a slacker and that I did the best I could with no help from people who knew the program better than I did. I finally got all the kinks worked out, no thanks to anyone there, but it took something ridiculous like 6 or 7 weeks at 6 hours per week. Seriously though, I am NOT a computer person. And, assigning me more work? Not conducive to me finishing what I really need to do. Install the program yourself, OR have the person using that program do it!!
GAH they drive me crazy.
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I have a bad habit. I let every little thing get to me, and it's really stressing me out. Seriously, everything is annoying. I get annoyed when my roommate takes a shower right after I go to bed at 2 am, or when a car pulls out right in front of me because they didn't want to wait, or when people take up the entire sidewalk and refuse to move even when they see someone else coming. I'm annoyed that my roommates use my really expensive knives then don't wash them and dry them right away to prevent rusting. I whine, complain and yell.  In short, I'm feeling like frustration and annoyance are taking over my life, and I'm tired of it.

I really need to start focusing on the good aspects of life a lot more. I think if I could do this, I would feel a lot less stressed and be a happier, more peaceful person overall instead being worked up all the time.  I really feel like this is affecting me, at least through stress levels. That, and I feel like I'm not a very pleasant person to be around because I let so many things affect me that really shouldn't. 
Does anybody have any suggestiong as to how I can break this bad habit?
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Seriously? Fuck you, UCI. Don't promise a course then block enrollment and cancel it. I was counting on that course. I need it. And I would really like to take it before I take physiology lab, as recommended by my mentor who teaches it. Sometimes, I hate you.  Now I have a shit schedule, thanks to you. 
nohanii: (Default)
Does anyone know where I can get a good bra or two? I'm a size 32DD (approximately... I get a different reading everytime I get sized), so it's nearly impossible to find the right size because I'm so tiny but so huge. I basically only have three bras that fit, one of which is much too loose around the chest and like tojust kind of hang there and not support me at all. I usually go to Frederick's for my bra's, and sometimes Macy's, but last time I tried, I came home empty handed after shopping for two hours. I hate my boobs.
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I almost killed my thumb last night. I was putting the footrest on the recliner down, and my finger caught on a support strut and bent the nail backwards 90 degrees back where the skin and nail are attached. Oooowww. I didn't break, but OW. It felt like someone tried to pull my nail off. It still hurts =(
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I had to go to school today. On a SATURDAY. It was just about the lamest thing I could do with my weekend. Apparently, we had to go to physics lab today because Tuesday, our normally scheduled class, was canceled due to the Veteran's Day holiday, and we had to make it up. We all knew this was coming, but we as a class decided to "make it up" at its normal time on Tuesday. Then last week, we were told that we weren't allowed to go to school on a holiday. But we could on a Saturday. Explain to me how that makes sense. Explain to me why my mentor was able to hold her physiology lab on Tuesday at the normal time. And explain to me why no one mentioned that we could have made up the lab in any other section on any other day this week, because I really would have preferred not wasting my weekend in a stupid physics lab where we don't actually learn anything.  

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Catherine

August 2011

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