nohanii: (Default)
[personal profile] nohanii
(Part 2 of 2, Part 1 can be found here)

The bad:

I don't remember what I said to broach the subject of birth control. I just remember some of the first words out of my mother's mouth: “You're not pregnant, are you?” “What? No, of course not.” “Not with Dan. Whatever you do, never with Dan. He's not the one for you.”

From there, what was supposed to be a quick chat about birth control turned into a half hour long bash on Dan and my relationship with Dan:

She said that Dan “isn't a man, he's a little boy."
She said we have an unhealthy “enabling” relationship.
She said that Dan is narcissistic, and I'm his codependent.
 

She distinctly implied that I'm only with Dan for the gifts he gives me.

She basically said I should dump him since he doesn't like washing the dishes.
She compared my relationship with Dan to her failed first marriage to a drunk... who was possibly abusive.

Never mind that Dan is always there when I need him, that he's always willing to help, that he gladly takes care of me when I'm sick. Never mind that Dan is always there to calm me down, prop me up, and catch me when I fall. Never mind that he treats me better than every one else in my life. Never mind that he loves me more than anyone else has before.

Dan has never risen a hand to me in anger. He has no serious vices – he doesn't drink, he's not a crazy partier, he doesn't have any drug or gambling addictions. He is impossibly sweet. He takes care of me. He loves me. He helps me in more ways than I can say. I thought this was how a good relationship was supposed to be?

But no, none of that matters.

What matters is that “he doesn't fit in with the family.” He doesn't do dishes. He didn't cook for me when we lived together. We constantly “enable” each other. He's a mama's boy. His hypoglycemia can make him temperamental. What matters is that we cuddled in front of the fireplace in Washington when I was freezing cold.

I barely fit in with my family;* why would I want him to? He's quiet and reserved, and you've been against him from the get-go. We've reached a compromise – I do dishes and he rubs my constantly aching shoulders. It's win-win. He did cook fairly often, actually, but his days were a lot longer than mine even after I got a job, so I ended up doing most of the cooking while he bought a good 90% of our food because I was dirt poor. Yes, he adores his mother. So what? That translates to how he treats me. How is that a problem? The hypoglycemia is annoying, but he's getting better and we know how to work through it whenever it pops up. I would rather deal with his hypoglycemia than your issues. And, seriously? Cuddling PDA is blacklisted even when I'm freezing cold and he's trying to warm me up?

F.U., Mom.

Oh, and learn what “enable” means. Your stupid is showing.

*Excepting Kelly and Geena – seriously, I luff you guys so hard. I miss you!


Date: 2010-12-14 07:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/nostalgia__/
Ugh that's frustrating. Maybe your family will learn to like him (sounds like they'll have to deal with it anyway).

Obviously, I don't know your family and I'm not trying to compare yours to mine, but my parents didn't approve of my sister's now-husband when they were dating. They like him now, but my sister basically had to say "screw you" and do what she felt was right. I imagine that's just what you'll have to do until your family (hopefully/maybe) comes around.

Date: 2010-12-15 08:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] honeystix.livejournal.com
Hah, yeah, really. We weren't even doing anything, just cuddling to get warm when there was SNOW ON THE GROUND.

I really hope they do. So far as I know, my siblings have no problems with Dan, and neither does my sister's girlfriend. My mother's always been weird about him. She says my dad doesn't care for him either, though he's never vocalized that to me.

Date: 2010-12-14 08:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sunsetsinthewes.livejournal.com
You know my thoughts and opinions about all this and you know that I absolutely adore Dan. I just want to reiterate that your mother does not live in reality.

Date: 2010-12-15 08:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] honeystix.livejournal.com
I really appreciate your support in this, Geena. Just hearing someone else in my family say that about Dan helps me a lot. =)

Date: 2010-12-14 08:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dani-california.livejournal.com
What the ever loving FUCK, dude. YOUR MOTHER, I DON'T EVEN.

Date: 2010-12-15 08:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] honeystix.livejournal.com
She compared him to her DRUNK EX-HUSBAND. I'm not sure, but he might have been abusive towards her and/or their daughter. I DON'T GET IT.

Date: 2010-12-15 10:09 am (UTC)
subluxate: Sophia Bush leaning against a piano (Default)
From: [personal profile] subluxate
He definitely was toward Cynthia. I don't know about toward Mom.

Date: 2010-12-14 09:42 pm (UTC)
subluxate: Sophia Bush leaning against a piano (Default)
From: [personal profile] subluxate
Lol, Mom. Maybe us kids wouldn't be so fucked up if she and Dad had indulged in a little cuddling PDA once in awhile.

Date: 2010-12-15 08:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] honeystix.livejournal.com
I think it's a combination of that and the fact that Dad was NEVER AROUND EVER when we were growing up. Even when he was there, he wasn't there, you know?

They do cuddle a lot more now, though. It's cute, but right now it's annoying me because ZOMG PDA GROSSSSSS as Mom so eloquently put it.

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Catherine

August 2011

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