Good news!
Feb. 25th, 2009 08:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nohaniiI have the bestest boyfriend evar. That's right, the bestest.
I finally called my general practitioner's office on Tuesday about scheduling an apointment for The Dreaded Exam. I got one for 11:15am. Shit, only an hour away. It was good, because I had less time to freak out, bad because HOLY CRAP APOINTMENT OF DOOM IN 50 MINUTES. So, I called the zoo to say I'd be late because I "forgot" about the apointment, then I called Dan to let him know that I got it and had to leave. I asked him to, and the darling came to the apointment with me to help me through it. I was afraid they wouldn't let him back with me, but no one said a thing about it. Obstacle number one down. They took my weight, blood pressure, the works, then the nurse told me to change into the gown. I had a "wait a minute" moment because she forgot to tell me to pee in a cup, so I did that THEN went back to change. Holy flying crap, their "gown" was a paper napkin. I swear. It didn't even go past my waist, and it was completely open in the front. And the "drape" and a paper towel -- as big as a pool towel, but IT WAS PAPER. In the past, I'd always been given the standard cloth gown that went down to my knees and a cloth drape. So Dan helped me get changed, then helped me up on the table to wait for the doctor. I felt so exposed and uncomfortable and panicky I just started FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. I was so upset I started crying. At that point, I decided, "Fuck this, I'm in control," so I had Dan grap my zip up hoodie, put it on instead, zipped it all the way up and threw the ridiculous napkin garbage across the room. That made me feel slightly better.
FINALLY the doctor came in -- a very young, soft-spoken lady -- and says, "You look uncomfortable," and all I can think is, "No shit; I'm sitting here NAKED about to get poked in the vagina by someone I barely know." Instead, I told her that I had huge anxiety problems about the whole exam and how I feel violated during and after -- not just uncomfortable, but violated, like I'd just been molested. She asked if I'd had a bad experience before, and all I could say was I'd never had a good one. We talked about it some more, then she did a quick physical (checked my breathing, heart, etc). Then we talked some more, and I asked if I had to use the stirrups because they made me feel trapped. She wondered what I would do instead, and I said I would just hold them up like I was having sex. I also asked if she had to do the bimanual exam and she replied that she would feel like she hadn't done her job properly if she didn't, but she admitted that I could refuse it if I wanted to. "Good, I don't want it." "Okay."
She started off with the breast exam. Dan stood next to me and held my hand to distract me from what was happening. I listened to the doctor and responded to her questions, but most of my attention was on Dan. The darling didn't look anywhere but at my face the whole time. After that was the Big Scary pap smear. Dr. Fodran was so gentle, I barely felt it. I'd told her before that all my previous pap smears had hurt, and she kind of gave me a look and said it shouldn't be like that, so I think she was extra careful with me. Dan made faces at me to keep my mind off the OMG SOME RANDOM PERSON IS STICKING THINGS IN MY VAGINA AND LOOKING IN IT, and before I knew it, it was over. No bimanual exam, minumum discomfort. What a relief. Dan is such a trooper. I <3 him so hard.
She left to let me get dressed, then came back with my brand new shiny scrip for a three-month thrial of Nuvaring (after four years, I still manage to forget to take my pills). She told me to up my Ibuprofen intake when my bursitis was acting up (up to 600mg 3 times a day) and noted my cholesterol levels from almost two years ago were bad, nearly twice the healthy amount. WHY Dr. Steindler wasn't more concerned two years ago eludes me, but I'm glad Dr. Fodran brought it up. I see more fiber and exercise in my future. I honestly think that the level of stress that I was under back then (two terrible roommates who gave me really bad anxiety nearly everyday). I already exercise more and eat better, but I can do more to get this back on track. We'll see how I do when I get tested again in a few months. I left the office feeling much better than after any of my previous exams. Good sign.
Dan is such a sweetie. I'd been complaining about this exam and describing it in all its graphic detail and how horrible and humiliating it is for the last few months. I'm so glad he was with me; he really helped me to relax and take my mind off it. To top it all off? He snuck my favorite Symphony chocolate bar into my lunch bag (toffee and almond, mm!!), made a very tasty ice cream pie (chocolate crust, vanilla ice cream, fresh (now frozen) strawberries, chocolate sauce, almonds, and whipped cream) AND he bought me flowers. What a keeper =) Oh, and I got to go to the zoo to play with goats for a couple of hours. They're so adorable and funny, I love my babies.
I finally called my general practitioner's office on Tuesday about scheduling an apointment for The Dreaded Exam. I got one for 11:15am. Shit, only an hour away. It was good, because I had less time to freak out, bad because HOLY CRAP APOINTMENT OF DOOM IN 50 MINUTES. So, I called the zoo to say I'd be late because I "forgot" about the apointment, then I called Dan to let him know that I got it and had to leave. I asked him to, and the darling came to the apointment with me to help me through it. I was afraid they wouldn't let him back with me, but no one said a thing about it. Obstacle number one down. They took my weight, blood pressure, the works, then the nurse told me to change into the gown. I had a "wait a minute" moment because she forgot to tell me to pee in a cup, so I did that THEN went back to change. Holy flying crap, their "gown" was a paper napkin. I swear. It didn't even go past my waist, and it was completely open in the front. And the "drape" and a paper towel -- as big as a pool towel, but IT WAS PAPER. In the past, I'd always been given the standard cloth gown that went down to my knees and a cloth drape. So Dan helped me get changed, then helped me up on the table to wait for the doctor. I felt so exposed and uncomfortable and panicky I just started FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. I was so upset I started crying. At that point, I decided, "Fuck this, I'm in control," so I had Dan grap my zip up hoodie, put it on instead, zipped it all the way up and threw the ridiculous napkin garbage across the room. That made me feel slightly better.
FINALLY the doctor came in -- a very young, soft-spoken lady -- and says, "You look uncomfortable," and all I can think is, "No shit; I'm sitting here NAKED about to get poked in the vagina by someone I barely know." Instead, I told her that I had huge anxiety problems about the whole exam and how I feel violated during and after -- not just uncomfortable, but violated, like I'd just been molested. She asked if I'd had a bad experience before, and all I could say was I'd never had a good one. We talked about it some more, then she did a quick physical (checked my breathing, heart, etc). Then we talked some more, and I asked if I had to use the stirrups because they made me feel trapped. She wondered what I would do instead, and I said I would just hold them up like I was having sex. I also asked if she had to do the bimanual exam and she replied that she would feel like she hadn't done her job properly if she didn't, but she admitted that I could refuse it if I wanted to. "Good, I don't want it." "Okay."
She started off with the breast exam. Dan stood next to me and held my hand to distract me from what was happening. I listened to the doctor and responded to her questions, but most of my attention was on Dan. The darling didn't look anywhere but at my face the whole time. After that was the Big Scary pap smear. Dr. Fodran was so gentle, I barely felt it. I'd told her before that all my previous pap smears had hurt, and she kind of gave me a look and said it shouldn't be like that, so I think she was extra careful with me. Dan made faces at me to keep my mind off the OMG SOME RANDOM PERSON IS STICKING THINGS IN MY VAGINA AND LOOKING IN IT, and before I knew it, it was over. No bimanual exam, minumum discomfort. What a relief. Dan is such a trooper. I <3 him so hard.
She left to let me get dressed, then came back with my brand new shiny scrip for a three-month thrial of Nuvaring (after four years, I still manage to forget to take my pills). She told me to up my Ibuprofen intake when my bursitis was acting up (up to 600mg 3 times a day) and noted my cholesterol levels from almost two years ago were bad, nearly twice the healthy amount. WHY Dr. Steindler wasn't more concerned two years ago eludes me, but I'm glad Dr. Fodran brought it up. I see more fiber and exercise in my future. I honestly think that the level of stress that I was under back then (two terrible roommates who gave me really bad anxiety nearly everyday). I already exercise more and eat better, but I can do more to get this back on track. We'll see how I do when I get tested again in a few months. I left the office feeling much better than after any of my previous exams. Good sign.
Dan is such a sweetie. I'd been complaining about this exam and describing it in all its graphic detail and how horrible and humiliating it is for the last few months. I'm so glad he was with me; he really helped me to relax and take my mind off it. To top it all off? He snuck my favorite Symphony chocolate bar into my lunch bag (toffee and almond, mm!!), made a very tasty ice cream pie (chocolate crust, vanilla ice cream, fresh (now frozen) strawberries, chocolate sauce, almonds, and whipped cream) AND he bought me flowers. What a keeper =) Oh, and I got to go to the zoo to play with goats for a couple of hours. They're so adorable and funny, I love my babies.
