Caution: blood and guts

[nohanii]

Holy crap I don't think I've ever been this close to flipping out over this.

I went off birth control toward the end of February due to my financial situation and lack of health insurance, but we've still been practicing safe sex. Dan brought up last Saturday night as we were cuddling in bed that it had been quite awhile since I'd had it, but I don't clearly remember the last time I had my period. I know it was just ending on a Friday/Saturday that we went to Dan's parents' house. That would be either Easter weekend or two weekends before that for Tatiana's birthday. We couldn't pinpoint it better than either of the two weekends. So, four to six weeks ago. I'm used to it coming every four weeks like clockwork, either Sunday night or Monday morning, for the last five years. It was either coming up right on time, or it was two weeks late. It was that "two weeks late" part that we were concerned about. I'd meant to keep track of my periods after coming off birth control, but it kept slipping my mind, so now we have this great big question mark hanging over our heads to deal with.

Sunday came and went with no sign of it. Monday too. Days passed with no clue that it would be coming anytime, and we grew more concerned with each passing hour. Finally, on Wednesday Dan brought up the possibility of buying a home pregnancy test. I didn't want to because I was terrified of seeing a + or two lines or a big bold PREGNANT glaring up at me. Scenarios were running through my head of what I would do if I was. That's as far as I got, I couldn't bring myself to say or even think that terrible "P" word. What would I do if I took the test and it came back positive? I can't have a baby, not right now. I barely have $200 in the bank. I'm only 22. I'm trying to get a better job, and go back to school. I'm not ready to give up my life for a tiny, insistent human life. I can't even afford a dog. I could get an abortion, but I'd feel terrible even if I caught it this early. I could keep it and give it up for adoption, but I have no insurance and wouldn't be able to afford the routine check ups, not to mention anything that might pop up if something went wrong. That and I'd feel horrible having a kid out there that I didn't know. I'd feel awful thinking about how he might feel unwanted because I gave him up. All of this ran through my head in a jumbled mess in about twelve seconds.

Dan insisted that he would feel better knowing, no matter which way it turned out. At least we'd know. I knew I would stay up worrying if it came back positive, but I'd probably be able to sleep not knowing. I agreed to get the test for his peace of mind. I made him take us to the store in his car, since he had our reserved spot. I felt horribly awkward standing in the aisle staring at the pregnancy tests, trying to decide which one to get. We grabbed a First Response two-pack, since it's supposed to be able to tell within only four days of your missed period. We also got some corn on the cob. Yumm.

Of course, I'd already peed just before deciding to go to the store, so I had to drink a bunch of water while we tried to distract ourselves watching Glee. It worked, but only until the next commercial break. Damn. I finally peed on the damn stick (that was awkward) and left it in the bathroom to develop for a few minutes. Dan and I distracted ourselves more. Five minutes later, we checked the test. One line. Negative. Not pregnant. Thank god.

Of course, my period started trickling in on Thursday and came full-force on Friday. All that worrying and hand wringing and avoidance that could have just been ignored and resolved with a few more days of "wait-and-see."

Comments

[subluxate]

Eek.

Have you gone to Planned Parenthood for birth control?

[honeystix.livejournal.com]

I tried, but they had a wait of forever and I had to go to work. Also, they had a "sliding scale" pay scheme so I had no idea what they might try to charge me.

[sunsetsinthewes.livejournal.com]

Your subject was false advertising, I see no guts involved in this post. Next time, someone better be eviscerated, yo.

Also, I second the PP suggestion-- I got birth control for free with medical consultations, minimal waiting, and awesome people to help me. This is why you live in California, perks like this.

Also also, I'm sorry you had a scare, but yay for just a scare, right?

[honeystix.livejournal.com]

SO SORRY. I meant to add: AND THE TEST CAME OUT POSITIVE AND I WENT CRAZY AND EVISCERATED DAN FOR DOING THIS TO ME. Better?

I tried PP once before, but they kind of scared me off by not mentioning how much they were going to charge me, if at all. I only had about $200 in the bank at the time, and I think I heard someone being charged a bunch of money, though that may not have been for bc.

[sunsetsinthewes.livejournal.com]

SO SORRY. I meant to add: AND THE TEST CAME OUT POSITIVE AND I WENT CRAZY AND EVISCERATED DAN FOR DOING THIS TO ME. Better?

YES.

Yeah, PP won't charge you. That simple, there's no charge. I'd definitely look into it.

[sensorium.livejournal.com]

Holy shit, I'm glad it worked out okay. I third the suggestions for Planned Parenthood, although I know there are other organizations that you can use instead if you don't like Planned Parenthood. (If you're interested, let me know and I'll ping my friend who knows more about these things). But anyway, they have good provisions for people without health insurance.

[honeystix.livejournal.com]

Are there others? Really? I know some states like Louisiana (yes, Louisiana) have programs that offer free/low cost bc to low income women, but I couldn't find one for California. =/ I'd love to know of other organizations, just so I have more options open to me. Thanks!

[gandolforf.livejournal.com]

That kind of thing happens to me all the time (not being sure when the last cycle ended). What I've started doing is making a private post on my journal of when it starts, so I've got something to go by.

[honeystix.livejournal.com]

If I can't even remember to put a dot on my calendar, I doubt that I'll remember to make an LJ entry about it. If it works for you though, that's great. I might try that to see if it sticks.

[aidenlane.livejournal.com]

I hear you on the long wait at PP, I ended up being there for 1.5 hours. But it was worth it because I got 13 months of free bc (go Family PACT). I'm not sure what the requirement is to qualify for Family PACT but there is a PDF online, third on google if you search "family pact qualify". At least that way you'd know if you could go back to PP and get free BC. I think the free BC they do is pills, it's the implants and such that would still cost money I think. I'd say if you qualify, go to PP because Family PACT has other things you can do for free, like female exams and all that. I have yet to pay a cent at PP (though I wish I could donate because they've treated me well so far).

And yay for just being a scare. I'm used to irregular periods so I'm glad I haven't had a scare yet because it'd be hard to tell if it was just stress or not. Starting the pill soon so it'll actually be weird to have a normal schedule, haha.

[honeystix.livejournal.com]

I waited for at least two hours, then left. Two more hours later, I got a call that they could take me, but by then it was nearly time for work. That would have been FOUR HOURS or more spent in a cold waiting room with nothing to do. I'll definitely look into PACT, thanks!

It's nice to have a normal schedule because you know when it's due within maybe half a day (for me, Sunday evening to Monday morning). It can be nerve-wracking if it doesn't start within that time frame, though.

[aidenlane.livejournal.com]

Wow, yours must have been super busy. I'm sorry. Were you just a walk in? It probably also depends on the time of day and day of the week and yeah, that's horrible. But I do love PACT, it's been amazing to me.

The first time I had stress issues was senior year of HS and I was three months late. And no reason other than stress to account for lateness. After that, I just got used to being randomly late because I can always go "oh, this event has been stressful" so it's never been that nerve-wrecking. But when I'm not stressed I'm fairly regular, this will just be almost certainly regular (hopefully). We shall see how it goes. Waiting for my next period to start it and I'm going to be late and that's frustrating because I just want to start the birth control already. (Doesn't help when I think I'll start is when my friend's wedding is and I'm a bridesmaid)

[honeystix.livejournal.com]

I was a walk in. They didn't have appointments available for awhile, so I thought I'd try getting there before they opened. I ended up being 3rd in line, and it still took forever.

Eeek, good luck with that. Hopefully it comes just after the wedding so you don't have to worry about it while you're all dressed up!

[http://users.livejournal.com/nostalgia__/]

Ugh the idea of pregnancy freaks me out SO MUCH. It's always good to have a plan of what you would do if you were to get pregnant. I'm kind of nervous right now about the "P" word (I took antibiotics this month and I just don't really trust condoms), but I talked to the boy about it and we figured out what we would do if that were to happen. Hopefully I'll never have to put that plan into action, but it's somewhat comforting to at least know what you'd do.

[honeystix.livejournal.com]

The more I thought about it, the more pregnancy squiked me out. I used to really want kids, but now I really don't know. Right now it's a "maybe someday" sort of thing, not a "yes definitely." Dan and I have talked about it a time or two over the years, but knowing it's a possibility right now instead of maybe someday in the far off future is nerve-wracking even if you do have a plan.

[roie.livejournal.com]

Woo! That's so stressful. And tell me why you haven't applied for Take Charge!! It pays for ALL of your birth control EVERY month annnd it pays for up to four office visits/lab tests (for like pap smears). It's a government run program and I got it so I'm sure you would too.

[honeystix.livejournal.com]

I've never heard of Take Charge!! I tried to look up California programs for free/low cost bc, but I couldn't find any. I will definitely look that up, thanks!!!