(no subject)

[nohanii]

I finally wrote back to my parents concerning their decision to vote "yes" on Prop 8. I meant to keep it short, but I ended up writing a term paper (okay, not quite). I decided not to try to talk them into believing that they believe the wrong thing because they will never budge on that issue. Instead, I'm trying to convince them that they did the wrong thing by you, K. Regions in brackets are parts that I probably won't end up sending because they have the potential to be incendiary.
 

When I heard on Tuesday that you had voted in support of Proposition 8, I was shocked. I know you voted your conscience, but you also voted to discriminate against your own daughter, and for that I am appalled. I expected better from you. By voting yes on 8, you may have permanently alienated one of your children, and you have infuriated two others.

I always thought that we were raised to respect others and to live by the Golden Rule – to treat others as we would have them treat us. What happened? Is it suddenly okay to discriminate against one group of people because you don’t agree with their lifestyle? Is it really no big deal to perpetuate a prejudice just because you don’t understand something?

Honestly, what is the absolute worst that could happen if gays and lesbians were allowed to marry? Would people really end up marrying farm animals, as you have suggested? Extrapolating this example backwards in time, would you have voted “no” on miscegenation laws (which were not repealed until 1967 in some states) because they could have led to gay marriage, etc? [This is nonsensical thinking that shows how utterly afraid you are of something you don’t understand. Marrying a sibling or animals is completely unrelated to the issue at hand. There is a reason why incest is outlawed throughout the world – inbreeding is dangerous. Not so with homosexual marriage. And marrying farm animals? The idea is ludicrous. Gay marriage is about one person marrying another person who happens to be of the same gender. Both of them are human beings, not a man and his cat.]

You say you love Kelly and you accept her living arrangements, but your words are incongruent with your actions. If this really were true as you profess, you would give up on your own prejudices and allow her the opportunity to marry whomever she wishes. As straight citizens, you and I have the right to marry anyone we want -- black, white, Hispanic, hell even green. Kelly does not. True, she can marry a man, but she wants to marry Geena. She’s not hurting anyone, so she should be able to do it. Don’t give me that “it’s for the children” crap; there are plenty of families out there with one mommy and one daddy that are not perfect, including ours (case in point).

If anyone is "ripping the family apart," it is you. Nick and I will stand by our sister even if it means causing you pain. You have caused her far more pain than we will ever inflict on you. If you wanted familial harmony, you should have thought harder before you cast your “yes” vote.

Kelly has been nothing but honest and respectful in all of her correspondences with you. She is nearly 23 years old and is no longer a child who can be told when to drop a subject when you grow tired of it. For that matter, neither are Nick and I. WE will decide when this discussion is over. If you don’t want to be a part of it, fine, but we will continue to express our disapproval for your actions.

I only hope that in time you will come to realize that your vote was erroneous. I hope you really see how much you have hurt Kelly by essentially telling her she is a second class citizen. I hope you somehow make it up to her. I hope you admit that she has a relationship with Geena, not just a living arrangement. And I hope one day we will be able to put this mess behind us and be one whole family again instead of two warring factions, I really do.

[And here’s the kicker: It’s probably your fault she’s not straight. Research has shown that stress during pregnancy or while breastfeeding can cause the young, especially males, to behave in a manner not “fitting” their gender. YOU made her this way. And now you’re denying her sexual identity. Doesn’t that make you feel wonderful? Have fun with that! I hope it preys on that conscience of yours.]

 [And seriously? Get over yourself. This “I’m the parent, you have to do what I say” crap is getting really old. Twenty years old. Shut up already.]
 
Edit: This last bracket was left out unintentionally. Again, bracketed regions are things that I would like to say, but I won't send because it  they will only make matters worse. It was fun to write, especially the last part.
 

Comments

[qa.livejournal.com]

I came from Kelly's LJ, and I really like the letter, especially the last paragraph. Given the fact no one else likes it, I feel the need to clarify why.

They will probably read that and think that it's 'absurd' or wrong. Maybe that will make them think more carefully about the logic behind some of their arguments.

[honeystix.livejournal.com]

That is an interesting point of view. Thank you for sharing.

[qa.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. ;)

[ticcyyy.livejournal.com]

Hey, I followed from Kelly's post, hope you don't mind me commenting.

If you don't mind me saying so, I would take out that very last part of the email. a) sexuality isn't a fault of anybody's, and b) you want to avoid using blame to counteract blame because that would be stooping to the level your parents took with how they've responded to Kelly and this whole Prop 8 thing =/

I HOPE I AM NOT IMPOSING BY SAYING THIS. Otherwise, yeah. You should send this email.

[gandolforf.livejournal.com]

I agree with Ticcy.

[honeystix.livejournal.com]

All parts in brackets were parts that I was 99% sure I wouldn't send but ended up getting written in the course of the letter.

I agree, sexuality isn't anyone's "fault," but preliminary research has shown that if a mother is stressed during breastfeeding, her offspring will show an increased tendency to be gay, which correlates with a larger amount of gay people being born during wartime. A lot of who we are is determined during development. I'm sorry if I have offended you in any way, that was not my intention. I apologize. It is no one's "fault" and it is not unnatural or something to be shunned. It should be accepted as other differences are.

[kickthehobbit.livejournal.com]

Also linked via Kelly, and I would definitely leave out the last part of the e-mail, as it's directly attacking your parents.

[honeystix.livejournal.com]

I realised that too, so it didn't get sent. It just came out as I was writing, but I knew it wouldn't help our cause at all. Thanks for your help.

[http://users.livejournal.com/silent_dreamer_/]

I followed from Kelly's LJ as well. I think this is a very well-written e-mail, but I agree with the person above that the last paragraph should probably go. You don't need to be throwing blame around, and as a bisexual I feel it's a little bit disrespectful to imply that sexuality is caused by something gone wrong in my mother's pregnancy, not a natural and normal part of myself. Just a bit of advice.

Overall I think this is a very good letter, and I am so happy that you and your brother are standing up for Kelly like this.

[honeystix.livejournal.com]

I apologize if it came out that way. As a university student who has studied neurobiology, I have come across research articles stating that sexuality can be influenced by factors during development. It is not unnatural, or a defect, or anything else. It is just different from the so-called "norm" that is the heterosexual population. I did not mean to offend you or come off as disrespectful. I hope you know that I did not send that part, or any of the other bracketed regions of text. I posted the revised email as well, if you would like to read it over.

Of course we're standing up for her! What kind of siblings would we be if we didn't? We just love her and want the best for her.

[http://users.livejournal.com/silent_dreamer_/]

No problem. I understand what you meant and where you're coming from; my knee-jerk reaction was just that you were trying to blame someone for something that in a perfect world wouldn't be worthy of feeling guilty over. I could tell from your tone that you don't think it's wrong, but your mother obviously isn't quite as open-minded as you are and she might not have read it that way. But obviously you just wrote it to let off steam, and that's perfectly fine.

[sunsetsinthewes.livejournal.com]

I agree with that you've said about the brackets-- it might be best to take those out, but it is your choice.

This is an amazing email. Thought-out, well-written, and beautiful. Thanks.

[honeystix.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I hope this helps them to see that they may have actually done something that was wrong of them. All bracketed text was removed before the email was sent, and other regions were revised to be less hostile (esp. the "ripping the family apart" section).

[kibbles.livejournal.com]

I agree with everything except the last paragraph, it just doesn't fit, and then they have the opportunity to counter with their OWN 'research', etc.

[honeystix.livejournal.com]

Oh god I don't even want to know what that would be like. Don't worry, it didn't get sent. Thanks for the input!

[aidenlane.livejournal.com]

Bravo for doing this. The only person in my family I know for a fact voted yes happens to be my grandma so I'm willing to tolerate it because she's older (and more likely to be more conservative) and well, she just bought me a car so I'm not about to ruin our relationship (even if some of the things she says to me make me angry). She also didn't know I was bi until after she already voted yes. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I just hope that your parents respond well to solid logic, because I have some friends with parents with logic that is not real logic. I also agree that the bracketed part is too much of an attack and compromises the rest of your arguments. Using the argument that sexuality is not a choice would be better if you want something to replace it, but only if you feel you need to help them understand and recognize her sexuality. *steps away from lecture stand* *hugs* I hope things turn out well but if they don't, at least you have your siblings and you know now how your parents really are, instead of years down the road when it comes as a shock and could possibly cause more damage (I'm only theorizing, I could be wrong).

[honeystix.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I ended up sending it without any of the bracketed parts and with more on familial bonds and solidarity. Most of the brackets were things that I wanted to say but wouldn't just because they wouldn't further out arguments at all. And thanks to your suggestion, I added a part about how she cannot choose who she loves, it just is that way. I posted the email that was actually sent on another entry if you want to read that, although it is very similar to what you see here.
Thanks again for your input =)

[evila-elf.livejournal.com]

*claps*
Very well thought out letter!
I would keep the first brackets, but take out the last paragraph. A bit too hatefilled.

I really hope everything works out for the best!!

[honeystix.livejournal.com]

*bows* Yeah, I know. It just kind of came out as I was writing. The bracketed parts didn't get sent, but virtually everything else did. Thanks for your feedback!

[evila-elf.livejournal.com]

Good luck!

Sadly, some people are so set in their ways that they just can't see any other option :(