Huh

My cat is stealing my blueberry muffin wrapper. She also likes to steal french bread, sourdough bread, and concha frosting from me. She'll also stare at me and beg if I have any type of fish, especially if it's tuna or sushi. Though it's funny, because she LOVES fish, but she won't take it until I give it to her. Hmm...

My left arm has been aching halfway between my shoulder and my elbow. This is the second straight day with no relief. It feels like it's either a very deep muscle ache or maybe the bone, it's that deep. Yesterday it only hurt when I moved my arm, but today it's pretty constant. Also, my shoulder feels tighter than normal, it doesn't move as easily. Aleve didn't help yesterday, and two Ibuprofen haven't helped today. Stupid bursitis. I'm just trying to ignore it for now and go on with my day normally. Maybe it will go away; it always does, though it's only ever lasted a few minutes to hours before, nowhere near a full day or more. *ignore*

halp, plz

I posted 11 days ago about having to schedule an apointment for the dreaded yearly exam. I still have not done it. It's been on my mind pretty constantly for about two months, and I have yet to actually do anything about it; I always get anxious and squicky-feeling in my girly bits whenever I think about it. I heard recently that the FDA states that a pelvic exam is actually not necessary and has very little to do with safely prescribing hormonal birth control -- the only mandatory test is for blood pressure. I have also been told that a healthy woman under 30 years of age can get the exam once every two years: "The difference in relative risk of an important lesion progressing to invasive disease between two- or three-year screening intervals compared with a one-year interval is significant; however, it is important to note that the probability of disease is quite small even among women screened every three years." And the "USPSTF states that there is insufficient evidence to recommend for or against bimanual pelvic examination in asymptomatic women at increased risk of developing ovarian cancer" (great because it creeps me out and makes me feel even more violated**). Apparently, the entire exam is up to me, though doctors conveniently forget to mention that and insinuate that it is required in order to obtain birth control. LIES.

Even knowing all this, I get really anxious thinking about it. My heart feels funny now, like it's in my throat and there's a hole in my chest where it's supposed to be. I'm afraid that I'll be denied my birth control if I schedule a normal apointment with my general practitioner and that they'll try to force the exam on me. I also feel like if I get the exam but insist they skip parts (like the bimanual), they'll refuse to write the prescription because I didn't submit to the entire thing. I'm at the point where I don't know if that's a rational thought or not. I only have a few days left in my pills, then the placebo week. I have no more refills lift, and my previous gyno is a dick and won't give me a refill unless I go into the office, presumably for the exam, which I DO NOT WANT. It's been suggested that I schedule the apointment and ask for a Valium or other sedative to take beforehand, but I feel like it will be even more of a violation if I'm out of it during the exam. 

**Somebody mentioned elsewhere that this could indicate that I was sexually abused at some point. I have no memory of anything like that ever happening, and don't believe that this is the case. 

Damnit, my arm still hurts. Bursitis has been acting up for two days straight. This is unprecedented and annoying.