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Ambivalent
Oct. 13th, 2008 10:47 pmI'm happy, but I'm not.
I like the direction my life is headed, but I feel like I need to do more.
I love reading, but I hate feeling like I'm wasting my time.
I want to get out and do more, but I don't know what.
I'm confident in myself, but... (exactly).
I want to meet more people, but I'm too afraid to say "hi."
I know I'm smart, but I've been feeling so stupid lately.
I am content, even happy, most of the time, but then there are times when I feel pretty much worthless and I hate myself for whatever it is that I perceive I should have done better. There are times when I know that I am a stupid shit and I can't believe I'm wasting my time at college. There are times that I HATE my body, when I feel fat and ugly and I just want to hide in my apartment all day. There are times that I know my boyfriend loves me so much, and all I can do is wonder why. Then there are those times when I realize how lucky I am to have a roof over my head, food on my table, and love in my heart. I look at Dan and I love him so much that it literally hurts. When I'm lonely, my cat cheers me up with her antics and adorableness. All in all, my life is good. Even knowing this, I still get bouts of terrible unhappiness that I can't explain.
I like the direction my life is headed, but I feel like I need to do more.
I love reading, but I hate feeling like I'm wasting my time.
I want to get out and do more, but I don't know what.
I'm confident in myself, but... (exactly).
I want to meet more people, but I'm too afraid to say "hi."
I know I'm smart, but I've been feeling so stupid lately.
I am content, even happy, most of the time, but then there are times when I feel pretty much worthless and I hate myself for whatever it is that I perceive I should have done better. There are times when I know that I am a stupid shit and I can't believe I'm wasting my time at college. There are times that I HATE my body, when I feel fat and ugly and I just want to hide in my apartment all day. There are times that I know my boyfriend loves me so much, and all I can do is wonder why. Then there are those times when I realize how lucky I am to have a roof over my head, food on my table, and love in my heart. I look at Dan and I love him so much that it literally hurts. When I'm lonely, my cat cheers me up with her antics and adorableness. All in all, my life is good. Even knowing this, I still get bouts of terrible unhappiness that I can't explain.
