Immature, much?
May. 1st, 2010 12:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nohaniiWell that was... interesting.
Mom, Matt, Dad and I were sitting at the table eating breakfast and having a fairly pleasant discussion about a bunch of different things, from PG&E being stupid, to alternative power sources, to why I had to have surgery years ago. This was peppered with comments telling Matthew to stop picking at his skin because he has sores that will get infected and develop scars if he keeps playing with them. Mom kept reminding him to stop whenever she caught him doing it, and I was giving Matt advice, since I've gone through the same thing and have been trying to stop for years. I was telling him things like "distract your hands," hold your mug or do something else to keep your hands busy so they don't wander up to you neck/face. Dad spoke up in a really annoyed tone, telling him repeatedly to stop, sounding angrier and angrier with each repetition until he was almost yelling at Matthew. This was all over something that is a habit that is very hard to break and doesn't actually directly affect Dad at all. I gently told Dad that yelling really does not help in a situation like this and that there really are better ways to handle this. I wasn't telling him what to do, I wasn't condescending, and I certainly wasn't trying to be rude. I was trying to offer advice because the only way Dad knows how to deal with things is to yell and scream and holler and carry on, and that never helps anything. The conversation returned to discussing my shoulder injury and surgery, since Matthew didn't know much about it.
Two minutes later, Dad blew up. He started screaming at me. He stood up and loomed over me, and yelled at me while standing three inches from my face. I tried to calmly interject that I really wasn't trying to be rude, that I was just trying to say that there are other ways to deal with things. He just kept screaming about how "How dare you" and "I would never say that to my parents" and on and on and on. It was very upsetting to be treated that way, but really, it wasn't very intimidating. All I could really think was, "Really? This is how you deal with this? Really? Grow up." Mom interjected that this is why she never says anything. She's afraid that he'll start screaming at her. It's happened in the past. Matthew had stormed out of the room after Dad started yelling at him for picking at his skin. I left to talk to Matthew, who was obviously upset. I tried to tell him ways to diffuse tension before it builds and explodes. Simple things like doing what you're asked either right away or within a reasonable amount of time.
Then I told him about when I was in so much pain because of my shoulder injury, and I was trying to tell my parents that I needed help, but I was being brushed off and ignored because I was "exaggerating." I got so frustrated that my pain wasn't being taken seriously, so I resorted to stronger language to get my point across. Dad blew up and told me to go to my room, but Mom said no, you need to listen to her. Dad has a history of not listening and blowing up when issues are put in his face. It's upsetting and frustrating.
Really though, yelling in my face? Not intimidating. Grow up.
Mom, Matt, Dad and I were sitting at the table eating breakfast and having a fairly pleasant discussion about a bunch of different things, from PG&E being stupid, to alternative power sources, to why I had to have surgery years ago. This was peppered with comments telling Matthew to stop picking at his skin because he has sores that will get infected and develop scars if he keeps playing with them. Mom kept reminding him to stop whenever she caught him doing it, and I was giving Matt advice, since I've gone through the same thing and have been trying to stop for years. I was telling him things like "distract your hands," hold your mug or do something else to keep your hands busy so they don't wander up to you neck/face. Dad spoke up in a really annoyed tone, telling him repeatedly to stop, sounding angrier and angrier with each repetition until he was almost yelling at Matthew. This was all over something that is a habit that is very hard to break and doesn't actually directly affect Dad at all. I gently told Dad that yelling really does not help in a situation like this and that there really are better ways to handle this. I wasn't telling him what to do, I wasn't condescending, and I certainly wasn't trying to be rude. I was trying to offer advice because the only way Dad knows how to deal with things is to yell and scream and holler and carry on, and that never helps anything. The conversation returned to discussing my shoulder injury and surgery, since Matthew didn't know much about it.
Two minutes later, Dad blew up. He started screaming at me. He stood up and loomed over me, and yelled at me while standing three inches from my face. I tried to calmly interject that I really wasn't trying to be rude, that I was just trying to say that there are other ways to deal with things. He just kept screaming about how "How dare you" and "I would never say that to my parents" and on and on and on. It was very upsetting to be treated that way, but really, it wasn't very intimidating. All I could really think was, "Really? This is how you deal with this? Really? Grow up." Mom interjected that this is why she never says anything. She's afraid that he'll start screaming at her. It's happened in the past. Matthew had stormed out of the room after Dad started yelling at him for picking at his skin. I left to talk to Matthew, who was obviously upset. I tried to tell him ways to diffuse tension before it builds and explodes. Simple things like doing what you're asked either right away or within a reasonable amount of time.
Then I told him about when I was in so much pain because of my shoulder injury, and I was trying to tell my parents that I needed help, but I was being brushed off and ignored because I was "exaggerating." I got so frustrated that my pain wasn't being taken seriously, so I resorted to stronger language to get my point across. Dad blew up and told me to go to my room, but Mom said no, you need to listen to her. Dad has a history of not listening and blowing up when issues are put in his face. It's upsetting and frustrating.
Really though, yelling in my face? Not intimidating. Grow up.
