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Apr. 30th, 2009 10:35 amThis actually happened on Sunday (April 26th), but I haven't had time to write it up until now.
Sometimes talking to my mother makes me want to scream. I just realized that our first family reunion in nearly 10 years is next weekend, so I called home saying I was interested in going, and that I had invited Dan too. Everything was hunky-dory until I mentioned that Dan wanted to see his friend Seth so they could work on another video. And I refused to let them buy me a plane ticket. Then my dear mother started ranting about how Dan controls my life and we're attached at the hip and I can't/won't do anything without him.
Apparently my mother feels like she can’t talk to me when he’s around. It’s not the same. I always bring him home; I never come home alone anymore. Uhhh, hello? I came home, alone, for two weeks over winter break. Thanksgiving, too. And that week in August. All alone, no Dan with me (okay, we visited with Dan up in San Francisco when I was home in August just to show in around the city a bit, but that was only a few hours out of an entire week). I bring him home for spring break, and that’s about it. She says she doesn’t understand why I “need a boyfriend.” She keeps reminding me about things that happened over a year ago when I was having doubts about our relationship. Apparently, she wants me to break up with him. Guess what? I did! We weren’t together for about three months. Guess what happened? We got back together! All of that was my decision. I initiated the break up, but I couldn’t stand not being with him. I am the one who decided we should get back together. Dan never wanted to break up, but he let me because he wants what is best for me. That is love, I don’t care what you say. He was willing to let me go because he thought it might make me happier. How is that controlling me? How is that bad for me?
She doesn’t understand that I love him. She refuses to acknowledge that this is the man that I will be marrying sometime soon. She doesn’t realize how well Dan treats me – he is exactly what I want from my partner. Dan is incredibly sweet and loving, he helps me out whenever I ask him, he’ll take over doing the dishes after I’ve made dinner, he calms me down whenever I get upset. We get along very well. He makes me laugh everyday. Seeing him after being separated for hours brightens my day. He’s gentle; he never ever hits me no matter how upset he might get. He never yells, either. Sometimes he snaps, but everyone does once in a while. He has never said or done anything malicious towards me. I love him, and he loves me. But she doesn’t see it, or she doesn’t want to.
Yes, we have had fights. We’ve had our ups and downs, just like all couples. But guess what? We’ve worked through them. We don’t let them fester. We talk it out, cry, and make up. Things get better. He doesn’t control me; I try to accommodate him because I want to. He accommodates me when I ask. How is this in any way a bad relationship??
All I'm trying to do is give Dan and my family a chance to get to know each other. I want this to all be happy fun times, but my mother has apparently built up so much resentment towards Dan that it never happens. It's like she's afraid that he's taking me away from her. This situation is very upsetting. I need my mother to like Dan. I can't stand the thought of marrying Dan, only to have my mother hate him. That's not how this is supposed to be. I'm trying to bring someone, whom I love deeply, into our family, but she's rejecting him. Maybe I'm blowing this all out of proportion, but this is how she's making me feel, and I hate it.
Some of you on my flist know him, or have at least met him. What are your thoughts? Why does my mother keep acting like this?
Sometimes talking to my mother makes me want to scream. I just realized that our first family reunion in nearly 10 years is next weekend, so I called home saying I was interested in going, and that I had invited Dan too. Everything was hunky-dory until I mentioned that Dan wanted to see his friend Seth so they could work on another video. And I refused to let them buy me a plane ticket. Then my dear mother started ranting about how Dan controls my life and we're attached at the hip and I can't/won't do anything without him.
Apparently my mother feels like she can’t talk to me when he’s around. It’s not the same. I always bring him home; I never come home alone anymore. Uhhh, hello? I came home, alone, for two weeks over winter break. Thanksgiving, too. And that week in August. All alone, no Dan with me (okay, we visited with Dan up in San Francisco when I was home in August just to show in around the city a bit, but that was only a few hours out of an entire week). I bring him home for spring break, and that’s about it. She says she doesn’t understand why I “need a boyfriend.” She keeps reminding me about things that happened over a year ago when I was having doubts about our relationship. Apparently, she wants me to break up with him. Guess what? I did! We weren’t together for about three months. Guess what happened? We got back together! All of that was my decision. I initiated the break up, but I couldn’t stand not being with him. I am the one who decided we should get back together. Dan never wanted to break up, but he let me because he wants what is best for me. That is love, I don’t care what you say. He was willing to let me go because he thought it might make me happier. How is that controlling me? How is that bad for me?
She doesn’t understand that I love him. She refuses to acknowledge that this is the man that I will be marrying sometime soon. She doesn’t realize how well Dan treats me – he is exactly what I want from my partner. Dan is incredibly sweet and loving, he helps me out whenever I ask him, he’ll take over doing the dishes after I’ve made dinner, he calms me down whenever I get upset. We get along very well. He makes me laugh everyday. Seeing him after being separated for hours brightens my day. He’s gentle; he never ever hits me no matter how upset he might get. He never yells, either. Sometimes he snaps, but everyone does once in a while. He has never said or done anything malicious towards me. I love him, and he loves me. But she doesn’t see it, or she doesn’t want to.
Yes, we have had fights. We’ve had our ups and downs, just like all couples. But guess what? We’ve worked through them. We don’t let them fester. We talk it out, cry, and make up. Things get better. He doesn’t control me; I try to accommodate him because I want to. He accommodates me when I ask. How is this in any way a bad relationship??
All I'm trying to do is give Dan and my family a chance to get to know each other. I want this to all be happy fun times, but my mother has apparently built up so much resentment towards Dan that it never happens. It's like she's afraid that he's taking me away from her. This situation is very upsetting. I need my mother to like Dan. I can't stand the thought of marrying Dan, only to have my mother hate him. That's not how this is supposed to be. I'm trying to bring someone, whom I love deeply, into our family, but she's rejecting him. Maybe I'm blowing this all out of proportion, but this is how she's making me feel, and I hate it.
Some of you on my flist know him, or have at least met him. What are your thoughts? Why does my mother keep acting like this?
