Car Update

Dec. 15th, 2010 09:53 am
nohanii: (Default)
On Sunday evening, I went to Kohls with my parents to get some Christmas shopping done. On the way there, the subject of the cars came up. Dad wondered aloud why I don't just drive the new Civic all the time. I responded, "Well, is it yours or mine?" It's pretty obviously not mine, considering their zomg look what we bought! attitude upon returning home with it, as opposed to a surprise! presentation.

That opened up the way for me to talk about my feelings regarding the whole car situation. I've been trying to find an opportunity when we were alone together and Mom and Dad are awake, alert, and relatively stress-free. That night seemed rather favorable.

So, I calmly and quietly stated, "Three days before you came home with the car, we had a conversation. I'd requested to use the settlement money to buy a (rather new) used car for myself, like a Kia. Then you came home with a new car. I know you likely didn't mean it this way, but I feel like this is a punishment for getting my car wrecked. I feel like you are treating me like the accident was my fault."

Dad, of course, objected to the notion that he was punishing me or that it was my fault at all. I guess they just haven't given this situation much thought.

I pointed out that, unless I'm just driving to work or around town, I have to ask for permission to take a car. I also pointed out that I will not have a car when I move out (which will hopefully be soon, but no real plans yet). Yes, Mom's name was on my poor old Civic's title, but mine was on the registration.

During that five minute conversation, we came to an agreement: I get to drive the new Civic (or Acura) as long as I live here. Dad promised that I will be able to use the settlement money to buy myself a replacement car when I move out. That seems rather fair to me, though I would prefer to get my own car ASAP, mostly for the freedom having my own car entails.

I had thought that they were planning to use the settlement to pay off their new car. I have since learned that they are planning to sell the older of the two Acuras (the one I currently drive when the Civic's not available), which will bring them back down to four cars for two people, instead of five. I am much happier with the situation as is stands now with the nearly $8000 settlement promised to me.
nohanii: (Default)
(Part 2 of 2, Part 1 can be found here)

The bad:

I don't remember what I said to broach the subject of birth control. I just remember some of the first words out of my mother's mouth: “You're not pregnant, are you?” “What? No, of course not.” “Not with Dan. Whatever you do, never with Dan. He's not the one for you.”

From there, what was supposed to be a quick chat about birth control turned into a half hour long bash on Dan and my relationship with Dan:

She said that Dan “isn't a man, he's a little boy."
She said we have an unhealthy “enabling” relationship.
She said that Dan is narcissistic, and I'm his codependent.
 

She distinctly implied that I'm only with Dan for the gifts he gives me.

She basically said I should dump him since he doesn't like washing the dishes.
She compared my relationship with Dan to her failed first marriage to a drunk... who was possibly abusive.

Never mind that Dan is always there when I need him, that he's always willing to help, that he gladly takes care of me when I'm sick. Never mind that Dan is always there to calm me down, prop me up, and catch me when I fall. Never mind that he treats me better than every one else in my life. Never mind that he loves me more than anyone else has before.

Dan has never risen a hand to me in anger. He has no serious vices – he doesn't drink, he's not a crazy partier, he doesn't have any drug or gambling addictions. He is impossibly sweet. He takes care of me. He loves me. He helps me in more ways than I can say. I thought this was how a good relationship was supposed to be?

But no, none of that matters.

What matters is that “he doesn't fit in with the family.” He doesn't do dishes. He didn't cook for me when we lived together. We constantly “enable” each other. He's a mama's boy. His hypoglycemia can make him temperamental. What matters is that we cuddled in front of the fireplace in Washington when I was freezing cold.

I barely fit in with my family;* why would I want him to? He's quiet and reserved, and you've been against him from the get-go. We've reached a compromise – I do dishes and he rubs my constantly aching shoulders. It's win-win. He did cook fairly often, actually, but his days were a lot longer than mine even after I got a job, so I ended up doing most of the cooking while he bought a good 90% of our food because I was dirt poor. Yes, he adores his mother. So what? That translates to how he treats me. How is that a problem? The hypoglycemia is annoying, but he's getting better and we know how to work through it whenever it pops up. I would rather deal with his hypoglycemia than your issues. And, seriously? Cuddling PDA is blacklisted even when I'm freezing cold and he's trying to warm me up?

F.U., Mom.

Oh, and learn what “enable” means. Your stupid is showing.

*Excepting Kelly and Geena – seriously, I luff you guys so hard. I miss you!


nohanii: (Default)

I had that discussion about birth control with my mother on Friday. It went both better and worse than I thought it would.

The good:
Long story short, she said I could do whatever I wanted on that front. She recommended not getting an IUD since she had a horrendously bad experience with one when she was younger, and she agreed with my basic plan: try the minipill for a few months and then get the implant.

On Tuesday I had an appointment with my GP (whom I don't care for very much, but whatever). The appointment ought to have been ~10 minutes or so, right? I was there for an hour. The first good sign was that the nurse on duty seemed amenable when I mentioned wanting the minipill. Dr. M came in and I mentioned the problems that I'd experienced with my libido over the last few years and how they seemed to be linked to taking the combined birth control pill. I explained about wanting the minipill as a trial run for an implant, then we had a break while she looked up what the minipill was and how it worked because she wasn't familiar with it. After quickly going over that information, she wrote me a prescription for Ortho Micronor, the minipill. Yay!

Dr. M also talked to me about getting the implant later on. I was thinking about getting Implanon, but she kept mentioning Norplant. Norplant hasn't been on the market in the US since 2002-2004, and Norplant II was approved by the FDA in 2006 but never actually marketed in the US, so I am confused as to what she was talking about and where she got that information. I will more than likely be going to a different doctor when it comes time for me to actually get the implant.

More good news: I picked up my prescription yesterday, and it was only $30 for 3 months! Dr. M was afraid my insurance wouldn't cover it because it's apparently not generic, but it is just as cheap as regular ole' Ortho TriCyclen. Funny thing was, I asked for a pharmacist consult since this is my first time taking Ortho Micronor. The pharmacist obviously had no idea what she was talking about, and basically just said “...if you have any symptoms out of the ordinary, call your doctor.” Thanks for the specifics, lady!

I know some of you are in the same boat as me, birth control-wise. I started taking it last night, and I will be carefully monitoring for any side effects that I won't be able to deal with. I'll let you all know how it goes!

So far so good, right?

Stay tuned for Part II to find out!

nohanii: (Default)
Thanksgiving was both fun and a disaster and a half. My Aunt Jan lives up in Washington state, and she came up with the wonderful idea to have Thanksgiving at my parent's new house up there (oh yeah, they bought a house within 20 minutes of Aunt Jan a few months ago; they're trying to rent it out until they can move up). If we went, we would be spending Thanksgiving with Aunt Jan and cousin Kirian for the first time in nearly a decade. I love them both dearly, so it sounds fun, right?

 Wrong )


I hope all of you had a far better Thanksgiving break than I did!
nohanii: (Default)
Mom and Dad disappeared for hours today. When they came back, they had a brand new 2010 Honda Civic.

They gave me (or, more accurately, are letting me use) Mom's 2001 Acura. This is three days after I talked to Dad about using the settlement money from my car to buy a used ~2009 Kia, and he approved of the plan.

Their reasoning? "But you wanted the Acura!"

Yeah, until I had to start driving it again and discovered how grossly inefficient it is. Before I had the chance to upgrade to a newer, nicer, and still gas-efficient car -- one that had better than an average 22 mpg. My Honda made on average 33 mpg. Now I'm stuck with this car that really just makes me feel gross.

I understand why they thought this would be okay -- they own my 2001 Civic, not me, and I've been making noises for ages about getting one of the two Acuras. But seriously. My car got totaled. I fought to get a higher settlement than was offered. I just talked to Dad about getting a Kia with the settlement money. Then they turned around and did this.

I feel cheated. I was the one in a car crash. I was the one who lost a car. I was the one who managed to get over $700 more compared to the original settlement. They didn't do anything. They already had four cars -- four cars between the two of them -- in perfect condition. But Mom wanted a new car, and she is the one who gets what she wants.

Oh, and the kicker? They're always complaining about how oh-so-broke they are. They just bought a car for over $17,000. My settlement was $8000. They now owe ~$9000 in car payments. They just bought the Pilot last year and are still paying it off. And they're still working on payments for the Corvette that was bought ~2 years before that. If I'd gotten a used Kia, I could have bought one for ~$10,000, and owed only ~$2000 on it by using the settlement as a down payment.

But no. They went behind my back and did this.

I really honestly expected Mom to get a new car this weekend. I thought they would trade one of the Acuras in to get it. I didn't even consider that they would pull this BS, at least not without first talking to me about it. Even if they settlement isn't actually my money, I feel that they owed me that courtesy if nothing else.

Profile

nohanii: (Default)
Catherine

August 2011

S M T W T F S
  1234 56
7 89 10111213
141516171819 20
2122 2324252627
28293031   

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 24th, 2017 08:50 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios